A Key West Local's Life

Melting

2012-01-21T09:10:00.001-05:00

A couple of days ago, I wondered why I hadn't had any dreams lately. Funny how you can call things forth...
Last night I had two dreams where everything around me was melting. Mountains, people and places I knew.

It was a strange feeling because I was traveling to a place where I was going to die and was ready for it.

Such an odd calming feeling to know these were the last steps towards this particular destination. It would all dissolve and while watching, knowing I would dissolve with it. It stuck with me a bit this morning after waking.

As usual, I like to look up dream meanings and here's what I found for "melting":

When you move toward intimacy, you may dream of something melting as a symbol of how your defense tendencies are breaking down. Anything melting in a dream personifies the 'thawing out' and new life of something that was previously frozen. Dreaming of melting can show the hardness of your self protective tendencies and how they are being made more solvent in preparation for opening.

Something I've been thinking about lately. I'm happy it is.

Here. Comes. 2012.

2012-01-04T13:57:00.001-05:00

Holy. Holiday. Exhaustion.

Ready for the new year and new adventures.

After moving a million miles a minute, last night it was nice to just make dinner, watch a movie and snuggle up at home. I slobbered my way through the Tree of Life and felt so calm afterwards.

Rest, but not for long...

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T13:31:00.004-05:00

One more to go...

2011-12-20T09:43:00.005-05:00

The white elephant gift. Got a whole stocking full o stuff for $2.49, including the stocking. My favorite part, releasing a brown ceramic cat from the Salvation Army pound.

Everyone needs some puppet scripts to act out bible verses.

Holidays down here are fun. That's right fun. Never thought I'd say that.

Working in restaurants and non-corporate places you quickly find that they have good events where people laugh, enjoy food, wine and general randomness.

There is no shortage of that down here and owners generously shut down their operations to do it up and celebrate. I'm always surprised when tourists get peeved when things are shut down while town's staff is out cavorting. I think cause we know how to do it right.

Appreciation is all I'm feeling right now. The gatherings and festivities just seem to echo it in all kinds different ways.

I love that when I asked my boss if we could have a Santa Pinata, she decided to make one and sent a picture of her in mid-process.

I love that I have met people I can talk and laugh with that actually understand me and vice versa. I have sat and listened to some of the funniest, weirdest stories in the last year that I can't seem to get enough of.

I love that I can go to my new local yoga place and get to take a class from my old roommate. Where I now open my chakras, I used to drink rum and have great conversations with an artist who first introduced me to watercolors.

I love that I can be invited to go to two friends book openings and enjoy art basel goodness in one month with my super talented artist friends.

I love that my own art is opening up as I learn to open myself up to all the good stuff life has to offer.

Indeed, its been a very good year.

Khristmas in the Keys

2011-12-17T14:11:00.009-05:00

"Honey, Do you think we could swim to Stock Island? It looks simply magical..."

These inflatable things are all over town and they really creep me out mostly because all of the characters are deflated and dead on front lawns in the daytime. It looks like a giant cartoon crime scene every time I see them.

This is by far the best one I've seen.

Santa pooping in an outhouse.

There's one thing that's more funny than the Monroe county Sheriff car backed up to it. (That thing is going nowhere)

To the right of Santa is an inflatable Jesus manger scene. So basically, you've got Santa pooping right next to the birth of Jesus. Gotta love Khristmas in the Keys.

The epic battle rages on. Score one for Santa.

Darling Time : Art Basel

2011-12-05T13:22:00.015-05:00

Art Basel with the Darlings. = Mucho fun + Lots o Art.

It was perfect timing to get out of town. My bike started making the worst squealing and creaking noises as I rode it around on my first day off. It sounded how I felt. My body was beat after a full week of work and wall of wind tours everyday. I needed some serious down time.

What to do??? Art Basel.

Driving has become sort of a strange thing to me now. I realized after getting a moving violation ticket, I haven't done it in a while. About 8 months to be exact. I'm not sure I really like it much anymore.

My coffee addiction finally got the best of me when I saw a Starbucks in Key Largo and made an illegal U-turn. If it helps my case any, I also had to pee. Figured I'd kill two birds with one stone but alas, the State Trooper was not amused. Especially when I told him about the pee.

Oh well, I think I got the best side of him that day as I'm pretty sure I passed him further down in Miami yelling at a fellow state trooper on the side of a highway. They were next to a bunch of ladies boots that looked like they fell off the back of a truck. I had to concentrate hard not to get distracted by all the suede boots strewn across the road.

Who knew driving took so much effort?

Jim and Tina were part of a group that graffitied an abandoned Subway tunnel for two days. It was a great show and this was one of my favorites from it. So crazy beautiful. I looked closer at it yesterday and I think she's got horseshoe crab legs!

Jim next to a giant cock.

I asked him to pose. He's good at it.

Teeny getting some props from the crowd.

When this dude showed up I tried to snap a quick pic but the flash went off.

I guess he noticed cause he came straight over and asked me if I got a good shot. I told him no and I needed a close-up. This is what I got. Creepy!

Old D-town friends checking out some crazy cool art at the Scope show.

Warehouse painting.

Jim and crew carrying supplies.

This building made me nauseous. But I love it.

All in all a great time.

Some random things seen in Miami in a day and a half:

Number One:

Seeing a car almost jump a curb after a collision and come super close to slamming into our outdoor dining patio while we were having lunch. A lady near the curb was talking on her cell and I thought it was going to kill her. She never flinched and she never once got off her cell.

Number Two:

Getting hit on by a guy in an SUV while waiting outside the motel for my friends before we all headed out. I blame my awesome Peruvian legwarmers.

Don't know what disturbed me more...That I got a drive-by pick up at a motel (a.k.a he thought I was a hooker) or that the guy originally thought I was wearing two casts and decided to come over. Who picks up a girl that is semi-immobilized?

Or number three which is utterly disturbing... Picking up a hooker with two casts. Aye Carumba, Miami! Gracias por un tiempo loco!

Onward to the next crazy event - the Santiagos Bodega Christmas Party.

Gobble Gobble

2011-11-25T08:35:00.004-05:00

Happy Turkey Day!

(Whoops! Blocked out the other dude)

Manatee Toss

2011-11-22T22:09:00.011-05:00

I think I rode a manatee today.

My first tour group this morning started to ask about the possibility of encountering alligators. Something that gets asked a lot.

I quickly waved them off saying everything would be ok, not to worry and then not a minute later it happened.

While looking back at the group to make sure they were ok, I suddenly ran aground in the flats. At least I thought it was ground. Until it started thrashing.

Water blew up all around me and I proceeded to get bucked like I was riding a bull in a kayak. Gripped the sides of the kayak in order to avoid being launched and let out a good ole healthy scream in the process.

The kayak finally settled into its original position, the culprit had disappeared and the natural response for a group of first time kayakers is of course: "WHAT WAS THAT?!?"

"I have no idea!" I responded in partial shock and then just started to bust up laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing was.

It took a few minutes for me to stop the laughing and compose myself enough to ask: "Well...Are you ready to head out?"

Restaurant Life - Take Two.

2011-11-21T13:05:00.011-05:00

Oh Green Parrot. Why does having one beer feel like you've drank a case the next morning? Add the Parrot to the energy/time vortex list growing on this island.

Its hard not to get a drink with the Boyz after work. Your choices for an after work aperitif are Don's, Bottle Cap or Green Parrot. Oh boy.

One beer you say. One soon leads to three especially after they both start sharing funny sex stories like a ping pong match with you sitting in between. Listening and laughing so hard I was crying in my beer. Is it possible to be amazed and horrified all at the same time? Yes.

As your co-worker on the left, keeps suggesting you should go out with the one on your right, you eventually have to share that you almost married a guy just like him. Surprise!

Hugs good-bye and leaving before it gets past 2am - good idea. Waking up with an energy hangover the next day that only a bike ride and a Sandy's sandwich can help cure. Oh Parrot P-rot, No more after work drinks for me for a while.

I will say, I am finding creative ways to integrate my restaurant outings though.

Like last night whenever the kitchen staff forgot to garnish something, I'd shake the plate and in a booming voice asked them to "make it rain, MAKE IT RAIN!". I'll keep that one. Thanks Bare Assets!

Progress

2011-11-20T12:13:00.005-05:00

Laughing while painting.

Always good.

You know what else makes me laugh?

Friending my Shaman on Facebook.

Got a Lama on speed dial too.

Gotta love spirituality in tech times.

4 hours of paddling does the trick.

2011-11-17T14:37:00.004-05:00

2 hour kayak tour +

2 hour paddleboard tour +

5 manatee patiently waiting for their turn to suck on a hose =

Sweet Sanity.

Thank you little baby Jesus for the water job cause it paddled out the crazy I saw last night. Such a weird evening fo' sure.

Now, to enjoy the much needed water buzz. Love how that works.

Tonight's thought is...

2011-11-17T00:32:00.015-05:00

I wonder if waiting tables is anything like administering drugs in a psych ward?

When crazy comes out to play, it can be a bit jarring. And your job, if you choose to accept it, becomes to get them sedated as quickly as possible so they don't fling any poo your way.

There are two things that I find very grounding in this situation.

One: if you are this wound up on vacation - that's punishment enough.

Two: is having a strong feeling that the corporate structure as we know it in this country is quickly falling apart and they will soon get to feel what it's like to live in a service industry.

Since we don't produce much in this country anymore, I figure America is eventually gonna be one big friggin' Disneyland to foreigners.

Let me share a little secret...While crazy is coming out, most of the time I am picturing you miming "Would you like a cappuccino?" in Chinese.

For the most part, people are genuinely kind and good. Great people in fact that some days it can redeem your faith in humanity and you can feel the oneness. You get the sweet, syrupy over flowing just happy to be alive feeling. That's the good stuff.

And the others...well... it makes you wonder if people in this country aren't just losing their shit. It feels like a full moon... with a side of crack.

Leaving work tonight I get a friendly wave from the guy in Bahama Village I always pass on my way to work. He usually just smiles with a friendly wave and a big ole "HI!!" welcoming me into the neighborhood.

Tonight I'm grateful I get the gift of seeing him on the flip side.

"Don't worry! No one's gonna hurt you here. That's what we're here for!" he says with his familiar smile and wave that I love to see. I quickly smile, wave back and say "THANKS!".

Grateful for the kindness and the happiness which overflows from deep in his core.

Not five minutes later, I encounter a whole different two-some. One that wants to pick a fight as I try to quickly go around them while not disturbing their walking path.

Keep on keeping on, I say. I choose to let crazy go and enjoy the syrupy people.

Ah, the holidays are upon us...I better get my meds tray ready.

11.11.11

2011-11-11T10:10:00.006-05:00

I've been having some crazy-ass dreams. Many of which have been coming true faster than ever before.

I'm really looking forward to when Johnny Depp shows up in Key West.

Eleven is a number of mastery. Sometime last year I had this elevator dream where there was a choice of two buttons to push - 10 or 11.

I thought of pushing 10 but for some reason at the last minute I chose 11 and as soon as I did, the elevator shot up like a rocket. I flew up to the ceiling and as I looked down at all the people in the elevator, they started screaming at me to make it stop. To their credit, the floor was twisting and starting to drop out.

So I hit 10. The elevator slowed down and suddenly I was back in an office job, sitting in a cubicle at a building that was falling apart. Think of that scene in Inception where they are walking down the beach and the skyscrapers are literally crumbling into the ocean.

All I could think of is - "How in the hell did I end up back here?"

It didn't matter much, because it wasn't going to be around much longer as I sat watching the walls crumble down around me. I wasn't scared. I was relieved.

Pretty much spells out the differences between 2010 and 2011 for me. In particular, my attempts to do things in an old way that never really worked.

So today is a day that everyone down here is getting married. They think its lucky. But does it really matter what day you choose to get married on? The real luck is finding someone you actually want to be with and enjoy.

A lady last week at the restaurant had just gotten married and said she did so in the most beautiful red dress. As she showed me a picture she explained she's from India and over there you only where white to a funeral. Quite an interesting take on weddings in the U.S. huh?

It was lovely. Probably the most beautiful wedding dress I'd ever seen and it complimented her perfectly. She actually looked like her in it.

I'd totally get married in a red dress. But right now I'm happy the weather's turned cold and I get to wear my Peruvian baby alpaca legwarmers. Woot Woot!

Benefit

2011-11-09T09:22:00.007-05:00

A couple round of benefit fundraisers to help support friends health. Something I love about this place is how people down here can have a good time, open their wallets to help their fellow Key Westers.

I wonder why we still don't have universal healthcare. If people knew how good it feels to come together as a community and support their peeps in their time of need, maybe it would finally pass.

What a random day. A much needed massage, benefit fundraiser, watching a cook-off complete with what looked like a poop pie, a couple glasses of wine and feeling like I left my body for a bit.

I haven't seen my friend in a while and his delicate state shocks me. I'm used to grabbing a bunch of him when coming in for a hug, but now I feel his bones. I know he's ok, when I hear his cackle and see that familiar smile but its still hard.

As I head out and say goodbye, I ask him if he needs anything. "I need more of you" he says. So I hold his hand, hug and kiss him and tell him I love him.

I ask him if he's going to get some help but know he's going to do what he wants. He's got that famous Taurean stubbornness that we both share.

We chat about astrology and I tell him that Jupiter is in our sign and doesn't he know that its our year this year? "This is our year!" I declare and get the hearty cackle I love in return.

I feel the emotion well up and know I need to leave before he can see the tears. I haven't felt this way since I saw my grandma right before she passed and it suddenly hits me like a brick. Trying to contain it is futile because once it starts, its hard to stop. I think I'm doing a good job until it eventually spills out onto the restaurant counter surprising the waitress who asks me with concern if I'd like something stronger than water.

I smile through the tears and tell her I bought one of her dresses recently and its very pretty. She tells me what she's wearing is the latest and greatest. I've been wanting to compliment her on her clothing line but didn't expect to this way.There's no point in hiding how I actually feel, I've never been able to when the emotion is that strong.

It settles down a bit. I feel it out and then just hope I have some more time to let my friend know how much I love him and how special he is.

Isn't a 'Hello Hug' enough?

2011-10-26T12:41:00.004-04:00

You really don't expect a guy to reach out and yank the zipper on your shorts while you're buying body lotion.

A hello crotch grab is a little much when patronizing a local store, even for this week.

Cruiser Research

2011-10-23T15:05:00.003-04:00

Doing a little visual research before work and I always love seeing my favorite happy little bench.

Really glad to see this house is still being maintained in the same spirit of its original owner. Gotta love a little crazy!

Insanity / Sanity

2011-10-21T14:31:00.012-04:00

Holy work exhaustion, Batman.

A couple of restaurant staff down and I become a full-time waitress for a stint. I remember how this went when I first got down here and it wasn't pretty. At least this time I know how to relieve it.

The job compilation I have set up is a delicate balance. Too much of one thing and the whole system can zap me. I consider it my work souffle and its quite a sight when it collapses.

I have been searching for my brain after the week's last restaurant shift on Wednesday. Its been a happy daze. You know you're too tired when the things you think in your head start bleeding through to your mouth and you just don't give a crap. It can be kinda freeing and definitely entertaining.

For example: This week a guy trying to be funny while asking for random things during my time waiting on him and his bachelor party gave me an open invite to enjoy my exhaustion. After finally claiming he was from the "Land of Oscar Meyer", I had no choice but to ask him if he had a little wiener. Something else discovered this week is you can say just about anything with a mischievous giggle and a smile.

Solutions come out of nowhere. Like wearing a wetsuit on my bike after 5 days straight of rain. I thought it a bold fashion statement and after thinking of chaffing, I instead I settled on bikini bottoms and boat shorts while riding to and from work in order to avoid having wet swamp ass. This is the only time I truly miss my car.

My brain turns off after three restaurant shifts in a row and it must of been how I ended up at Don's place with the staff. Twice.

If you do this kind of work full-time, kudos Sir, cause that's some hard livin'. You have to release it somewhere which I begin to realize as time quickly ticks away while having a beer or two at Don's. For some reason there is a time vortex there which is slightly freakish and absolutely frightening.

Just like Cinderella's pumpkin turning hour, the bewitching hour at Don's is 2am and it consists of service industry staff getting off work and ready to explode in all its glorious forms.

Yes, that man who served you snapper demurely earlier this evening has now morphed into a Mad Max thunderdome extra booming at the top of his lungs that he is the cornhole king. I hope you enjoyed your evening - his is just getting started.

Its always good to mix it up a bit and see how the other half lives but I believe I've had my fill of Don's for a while. This has now become my benchmark for knowing I've had one too many restaurant shifts. Getting dragged to Bare Assets and being asked to throw a wad of cash at a stripper is a further confirmation of that.

My restaurant peeps are some funny people and I love them to death. I haven't laughed as hard as I did at Don's in a while which was awesome and worth the exhaustion I now feel.

I have one more week of this schedule and boy howdy can I see the light at the end of the tunnel. A tunnel that includes Fantasy Fest so it should be an interesting ride. Mostly I want and need to get back to the creative projects I had to shelve for a little bit. It's all good I'm getting more ideas and losing more filters. All to benefit the true creative process which the regular jobs are a definitely a part of.

But alas, this craziness has got to change soon because when you respond laughing with "I feel dead inside" after a co-worker asks you how you are, that is probably not too healthy. At least that's what Oprah tells me.

As tired as I am, I pray for more water days. On Thursday, a nice couple from Brazil, a paddleboard tour and a change of scenery - I almost felt almost human again. The restaurant in all its wonderful forms is insanity and water is my sanity.

Good thing I live a block from the beach.

Lock and Load

2011-10-06T11:55:00.011-04:00

September was a busy one. How is it that 2011 is almost over???

Lots o stuff been going on. What you ask? Well....

20 year high school reunion with the Catholic high school girls.

There was wine.

Midwest meals. Soul food restaurant owned by an old back up singer for Ike and Tina Turner. Fried catfish and chicken anyone? It was gooooood.

A visit to the St Louis botanical gardens. This is the climatron and I used to want to live in it.

I realized after walking through it looks just like Key West.

The best part of the gardens is feeding the Koi fish in the Japanese garden. Man have they grown! They still stick their mouths open for you to feed them.

I love them!

These are the bastard ducks that reached into the fishes mouths to get the food. It felt like a carnival game to try to drop the food directly into the Koi mouths. I got a few direct hits.

Fun with acrylics and clothespins = mailbox clips.

The final schellacked frappuccino vase.

The pickle pen jar came out nicely. Inspired by Ecuadorian fish graffiti. I'm currently painting dirt. Yes dirt - you'll see.

I'm starting to see my obsession with all things fish.

The new round of printed cards just received yesterday. The upgrade in camera and computer are definitely working out! Will be good for the website stuff.

Saw a great couple exhibitions at the St. Louis art museum with Mom. One of Francisco Clemente and his woodcut prints. Lots of ideas going.

Now off to write a press release.

Home Sweet Home

2011-09-12T09:33:00.008-04:00

Has it already been a year? I've found so much comfort in my home, choosing to spend another year in it was a no-brainer.

Signed a new lease this week for my apartment and while doing so, I realized this will be the first time in six years I haven't moved. Six years... No running or scrambling to find a safe place to be.

Good place to live.

Great places to work - I feel like I have two families.

A place to be inspired and create art.

Its all led me here and today I'm so grateful for it.

Sanity only costs $3.98

2011-09-08T20:05:00.013-04:00

Let me introduce you to my newfound best friend. Lavender, oh how I love thee. Let me count the ways...

I started feeling really off the last few days. I chalked it up to exhaustion and maybe a bit too much end of the summer fun but it felt like more than that.

My ayahuasca sessions continue to unfold in real life as each month passes. I cannot believe its only been 3 months - it feels like a year.

Many of the lessons I learned in Peru, I learn here now and am continually grateful for. On one of those nights I spent talking to Mother Ayahuasca, I got a real gut check on things. Literally.

As we were chatting, I started to feel ill out of nowhere. This is not an uncommon thing for the experience as you usually have your own personal bucket "just in case" la purga hits. So while chatting to the soundtrack of painful groans in the room, I got the sudden urge to find my bucket and fast.

I went to grab it but was confused cause I didn't feel sick. While trying to figure that out, something came over me quickly and I decided it was time to wrap my hands around that beautiful yellow cracked gem.

As I was purging, I heard a voice clearly speak. "This is not yours."

"Oh my god, you're right. It's not." and with that realization, I stopped.

The painful feelings from somewhere in the room I took into my own body. Thus the feelings - the sickness were not my own. I never quite understood that feeling before but I sure as hell did now. Enlightenment found at the bottom of a bucket.

After hearing that voice, I kindly told her I was done and pushed the bucket away. And you know what? After realizing that, I never needed it again.

Fast forward to this week. I started feeling really uncomfortable. I'm generally a pretty happy person but some negative stuff started to engulf me and I suddenly felt swamped. The usual confusion started, but this time I knew what to do. I looked inward at what I was feeling and realized maybe it wasn't mine.

Two days of it seemed like enough torture and so I gathered all the tools that had been researched in the last week to combat it. One of which began with a special dish whipped up at the restaurant this week.

As our chef was preparing it, I looked on. A familiar scent drew my attention immediately and my gaze directed at the source. "Is that lavender?" I asked staring hungrily at the bowl of salt.

Oh yes, it was. And I had the strong urge to dive into that bowl.

Been reading a bit up on empaths after a conversation with a good friend who suggested I look into it. It's been interesting to read and there are a lot of forums on it. Many that help you to deal with "the gift". Two things that are on there? Salt and Lavender.

One thing I fallen in love with is epsom salt. It's become my cure all this year for aches and pains due to the physical work I do, but it's something more. I always feel so much calmer and sleep like a baby after an epsom salt bath. The easiest way for me to relax and get back to feeling like myself is a mere 15 minute soak.

Apparently lavender has the same effect. So in the past two days I've gone to Sugar Apple to get me some lavender soap and the home depot for some lavender plants. According to sources, it cleanses the negative energy you may inadvertantly pick up from others throughout the day. Think I'm crazy? Well, I'll tell you what, when I got that lavender soap home, I ripped open the top and once that smell it my nostrils, all swamping feeling stopped immediately. So onward and upward!

Today was a day for the depot. I picked up two lavender plants and then crossed the street to get two pots at Ross.

Funny I couldn't smell them when purchasing them at the depot, but the scent amplified upward as soon they were placed in the pots I was taking them home in. It was intoxicating happiness and a complete bargain for only $3.98.

It's so crazy. We as a society spend a ton of money on pills to make us better but really it's all in the plants. I can now add pharmacy and art supplies to purpose of my visits at the Depot.

Starting to realize that the more I know myself and what I need, the easier things are. It's a good place to be.

Oh Lavender, how I love thee.

End 'o the Summer

2011-09-04T11:32:00.005-04:00

Hmmm...how to re-visit and old work site? With a giant inflatable penis. Classy!

Jello shot madness. My face is proof I've past the jello and reached the shot.

End o the Summer. I'm ready to get back to work after a week chuck full of social functions. Bachelorette party, birthday party, party after party.

It's been a really fun summer.

Wake Up

2011-09-03T15:03:00.009-04:00

I did not expect to yell at 6 women on a pontoon boat atop a highway bridge today. Guess it was loud cause two heads in an open Jeep swiveled around right after my first go round with it. "You're tearing up the seagrass!" I yelled to the boat in an attempt for them to notice the carnage created behind them on this perfectly sunny day.

Would that wake them up? Nope, the lady just kept putting it in high gear looking forward like she was on her way and didn't have a care in the world. And when I yelled out to them a second time, they still didn't care. At most, all I got was a lackluster shrug accompanied with an annoyed "Well, what do you want us to do?"

How 'bout, get your head out of your ass for starters? Maybe have some sort of awareness of what kind of damage you're doing or even care about it for that matter?

We all make mistakes but when you just don't give a shit about your surroundings or when you trash them while taking no responsibility for the situation you have gotten yourself into? Well then, you madame, are an asshole.

It kills me to see this stuff and this is the weekend for it. Labor Day, a.k.a. "the end of summer" This holiday weekend usually scares me more than most cause people get very angry about summer ending. There's a higher idiot factor due to the fact that they don't want to go back to their real life. And it gets a little ugly...

Hey look, I know it sucks to have to go back to that office, but please keep that to yourself. Don't come down here and trash my office.

My wish is that people would wake up and understand...If you care about your surroundings and the people in them, they will care about you. I think that's why many say Key West is so different than any other place they've visited in the US. They care and you know what, I'm damn glad they do.

Definitely started thinking about it this week. All the people in this town are my family. It's not always perfect but we care about each other and are connected. Get the right band playing at the Parrot and it's like a goddamn group hug.

So try it. You might like it. And please be kind to my island.

I Spy...

2011-08-21T11:11:00.005-04:00

A man taking his dog for a walk.

A lawsuit waiting to happen.

A blue day.

My ride.

Magnets

2011-08-14T10:09:00.003-04:00

Mmmmm.....Doughnuts.

Lordy be. The fridge is getting crowded.

Anything but Canvas

2011-08-11T13:57:00.005-04:00

Been playing around with some new stuff and I'm starting to find that I'll paint on anything but a canvas. I've been collecting some glass jars cause I like them and wanted to figure out a way to paint them.

I first tried glass paints which were crap so as usual I found my own way through some online research. That's half the fun of this isn't it?

Above is a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino bottle. Art and coffee - these are a few of my favorite things...

After a good dry, I'll shellac and see if it'll hold. Then off to Gilda's for a celebratory flower to put in the vase I have created. Now let's see what the pickle jar will bring forth.

More Reasons to Love Key West

2011-08-07T09:25:00.005-04:00

Riding down Grinnell to get downtown and randomly seeing Mr. Michael Mosi standing outside Azur. Had a quick beer with him before his wedding party arrived. The party had their own cocktail concoction for the celebration which they brought in a Home Depot bucket.

Which begs the question..What is the corkage fee for a bucket?

Sunset at the Tiki bar with good buddies and seeing a few of my favorite water boys. Watched the sky turn several shades of purple and pink before it turned dark as we listened to one boy's fantastical experience on the water today.

Good lord, we live in a beautiful place.

Freedom

2011-08-06T10:29:00.010-04:00

I can't stop thinking of this horseshoe crab rescue from yesterday's tour.

As the manager pulled up with the kayak people she made the comment "Good luck". Um, not a good way to start. The other challenging element of the day, was the guide I was paired up with whom I haven't worked on a tour in a long time. He generally goes on his own trips cause he's not one who "plays well" with others.

So off we go. Twas a steady trip. One semi-annoying family of people who wouldn't listen as they constantly raced and banged into other people without a care in the world. When we got towards the end of the tour, I parked everyone in a place where I expected to talk about something but found a horseshoe crab right near a mangrove root instead.

I wasn't planning on a show and tell at this point, but this was perfect I had been looking for one of these all tour. I asked the people to move back a bit in order to get into the tree to reach down and grab her but she wouldn't let go of the root. Normally, they start trucking as soon as you touch them but this one just squirmed in one place. I pulled on her thinking she had wedged herself in to keep from coming out until I saw it.

String. She was trapped.

It was all around her and she had probably tried to get away but ensnarled herself further in the root. Instead of paying attention to the tour I was now wedging myself further into the tree trying to figure out a way to free her. It was so sad, this tree which probably started as source of shelter and comfort had become her death sentence. We needed to get back in with the peeps but I couldn't just leave her like this.

I kept yanking and twisting but couldn't seem to get her free. She was attached. It started to really bother me. I asked my co-tour guide if he happened to have a knife on him. He didn't and so I asked him to come over and take a look.

"She's trapped. Can you help her?" I asked, revealing her delicate state.

"I don't have a knife but I do have teeth." he said.

He jumped in and eventually was able to pull up the branch. And as she came up attached we could see how the string devilishly snaked all around her legs and body keeping her in an immobilized state. I kept staring wondering how she got this way as the other tour guide kindly took his teeth and began to tear through the bind she was in. After several nibbles, he got her loose and handed her over to me.

I ran my fingers across where a little string was left, while carefully dipping her gills in the water so she could breathe again. I began examining her to make sure she was ok. She didn't make a move in my hand. Probably a state of shock after such an ordeal.

As I prepared to give the group a chance to view her, I told them all "Please be careful with her, she's been through a lot". To my surprise they all handled her with great care. Even the annoying family who had not been listening. They finally woke up and weren't acting like they were the only ones on tour.

The whole rescue touched a nerve and I got to thinking of my own entanglements. Things that I probably didn't intend to end up a certain way but got so wrapped up in them, they ultimately became my undoing.

The lessons from Peru continue to unfold as I have strange encounters this week. Overwork and party time flow into one another and the exhaustion gives me all the strength I need to say no to things. A big thing I've learned so far in these past two months.

Three men. Three very different approaches.

As I just go about my business and plan on having a good time with everyone. Two of the guys invite me in with their obvious charm. But what starts out as light hearted charm becomes bizzare when I don't snap into what they want.

They can't ask directly for what they want, so some emotional barbs come out to see if I'll stick around. I step back on both, not even wanting to go into the trap. As the silence quickly grows between us, it feels like what was offered is a brick I dropped at their feet. It wasn't a mean response, it was more of a "Huh, look at that. No thanks." and then a continuation of what I was already doing.

The third one was a funny nice guy who I've always had a good time with. He can be bruff trying to show you what he's all about, but on this night he's kind and gives me a really nice compliment as he looks me directly in the eyes. It was genuine and I liked it. Thats what I want. Upfront. Honest. Kind. Present.

No more emotional entanglements please, if I can help it. I just want to be able to do what I want, if I'm here with you it means I want to be. No traps. Just love.

So much wasted time and energy with emotional entanglements. Everyone has their shit but it's being honest about it that makes it easier. I've been trying to work on mine this year by dropping the walls that I thought made me feel safe but in reality kept me isolated.

By saying no to certain things and taking care of me, I find I don't need those walls and in return people can be themselves and I can be me. A much easier, natural connection to everything and it has been amazing. I had this intention going into Peru and it keeps on unfolding in different ways to show me where I need to be and how to get there.

I have a newfound respect for my co-worker. He was so gentle and kind with that creature, it was beautiful. He helped free her, where I could not. A couple stays behind looking over the place where we dropped the horseshoe crab back in the water.

"Is she ok? Is she moving?" I ask.

"She starting to move a little bit." they respond with a smile.

Good. She'll be ok...

Santiagos Staff Party

2011-08-01T09:22:00.006-04:00

Let the X-mas in July party commence!

Heart hugs at Snipes!! Above is one of the Santiago boats out there yesterday. It had a bar, buffet table, keg and a Great Dane. As we rolled up on it in our much roomier ride someone let out "Holy Shit! It's the Clampetts!" They ran aground and out of gas on the way home.

I've heard so much about Snipes but it was my first time out with the crew. A pretty place to hang for the day. Rob and I both commented how much it reminded us of Lake of the Ozarks back in Missouri but with much prettier water. I think the correct phrasing was "purty water".

I forgot how much I missed my Sunday boat shifts on the ride out to Snipes. Love being on a boat for a change and was a lot of fun hanging with the Santiagos crew. They definitely know how to have a good time.

Pfiffer getting some noodle time.

Dane on the loose!

The much roomier boat the 10 of us rode in on. You can see the obvious size difference and how retarded it is as the "Kids table" boat is pictured to its left.

Partial Santiagos crew pic.

This boat cracked me up. We kept calling it the Kid's table. There was almost a fire on it too. While filling up on some potato salad, I noticed smoke come out under the keg. Thought it was ice melting - nope it was the battery.

Not a total surprise when it hit ground and ran out of gas on the way back. I think they had plenty of drinks and food to keep them company while they got rescued thankfully.

Loving the ride home.

Old friends...

Pool Day

2011-07-27T12:02:00.006-04:00

Pool day. Ummm, why haven't I been doing this more???

I finally gave in to resting up after my Peru trip and am really starting to get into it. Kinda like succumbing to the Siesta in Spain. Fighting it does no good, sometimes you just need to allow time to be.

The past two days, I've been on a mission cleaning out every nook and cranny. Uncovering some old work I haven't seen in a while and finally seeing it with new eyes. Damn it if I don't say, it's good. Can't believe the harsh scrutiny I used to give it.

Dreams. My dreams lately have been varied, colorful with great movement. I may sit still in waking life but in dream life, I'm everywhere.

Last night I woke up in the middle of a dream seeing vivid colors and snakes dance before my eyes. The snake has been a companion of mine lately ever since I asked it to devour me in my dreams. A symbol of the underworld and one of transformation, I finally decided to let it in after it stopped me on the bike path one evening. A few nights later I found myself diving into its mouth.

Plants and animals have so much to teach us. If you want to read a good book, I suggest The Shaman and Ayahuasca. We really do take a lot of things for granted that others hold in deep reverence. Nature has a lot to teach us if we just let it in.

Enjoying the down time and looking forward to August. This year is just flying by...

Old guys are fun to talk to

2011-07-23T20:46:00.005-04:00

Having a bottle of wine with a bunch of older guys rocks.

The conversation is varied, damn interesting and fun. Had no idea that a documentary I watched a day ago would lead to a really good conversation.

"The Lost city of Z" in the Amazon was some random thing I watched a day ago and now I'm going to get a book on it from a dude who is just as fascinated by it as I am. It was amazing to watch this British guy who mapped out the Amazon looking for a spiritual world that he felt existed. I believe he found it and disappeared into it. The dude I chatted up thinks he was killed by a Amazonian tribe. We'll see...

It's not too many days you can make an older man turn beet red, but those days are pure awesome. One of the guys was having back problems and I told him to get a massage. He asked about getting a happy ending with a smirk. When I told him he could probably get one in new town but not in old town, he turned beet red and couldn't believe I knew what that was.

Saw the best documentary yesterday about the NY Times called Page One. Highly recommend.

David Carr is a total bad-ass. Journalism written through an objective lens is so lacking these days. It's all spin and crap. The NY Times is the best source in this country for real news. It's worth paying for just to support these amazing writers and investigative minds.

Random Play

2011-07-03T14:21:00.005-04:00

Finishing up some old paintings and having fun with it.

Is it possible to have a healthy obsession with skulls? I think so. This one's gonna be a fridge magnet. That's right, I like to see skulls when I reach in the fridge for a doughnut. Fo' shizzle.

And since it's been a while...a gratuitous beach shot. Right now, I'm loving the overcast and oncoming stormy weather. Happy almost 4th!

New Moon Eclipse

2011-07-01T22:35:00.002-04:00

So...How was Peru?

2011-06-26T13:52:00.011-04:00

"You're so sensitive."

A phrase I've heard many different times in my life when strong feelings arose. It's felt like a flaw and come across as an insult. I've tried to deny it and push it away because its felt more like a curse than a blessing. But it is a blessing.

"How was your trip to Peru?"

A question I've been asked and struggled to put into coherent sentences. I'm still processing what I learned down there. My body has spent the last two weeks trying to catch up to my mind and heart. As such, I've been eating like a ravenous animal and then passing out.

I laugh at this remembering how Tio enjoyed seeing me in this familiar state on one of our excursions in Spain. The infamous "infomercial" trip. He found great pleasure in it.

When I travel I am able to really connect to myself. Part of the reason I love it so much and make it a priority in my life. It opens me up and lets me plug in. This last trip helped me find myself again in so many ways. To finally know that what I am and clarify my intentions which are no mistake.

I got to meet such sensitive beautiful people down there. Instant deep connections with total strangers which felt so right and satisfying. One in particular became a quick friend when he took out his camera in the ride to the compound. We got to talking that day and for some reason, I mentioned something I had been thinking about for weeks. A 4th grade science project I did on solar panels. I built half a house out of cardboard and bendy straws to show how it all worked. I remember not a lot of people being too "wowed" by it but I loved it and desperately wanted a house with one.

My friend's face was shocked. "What? You too?" I asked him. Apparently we had the same ideas and science projects kickin' way back in grade school. I've been obsessed with solar energy since then and so had he. Well, huh, that's kinda kooky and cool.

Another day, after learning some new yoga moves I was just so happy and appreciative to our teacher. A really beautiful, sensitive man who I waited to hug. As we did, I felt my heart reach out to his. To the point of even feeling a little electrical zing. I felt it so strongly and was a little exposed by it. I began to wonder if it was something I imagined. After we broke our embrace, he gave me a knowing glance and a simple but meaningful "thank you" for it.

During this week, we all discussed a lot of things. The big one being why we were here. I had intentions going into this trip and knew what I wanted to work on but the why has never been verbalized. As it came out of my mouth, I realized - this is it.

I can feel a lot. At times, I feel people's pain so strongly, it overwhelms me. I can get lost in other people's suffering and all I want to do is make it stop. For them and for me.

In this feeling, I've tried to help people but always attached to the outcome. I've not been able to let go of the possibility that this is their choice, their chosen pain. It is their process and to let them have it.

I asked my new friend to sit next to me in our second ceremony. As we entered into it, I was frightened and had asked the spirits for what I needed which was calm. They understood and gave it to me. Such a gift.

In that calmness, we began to have a conversation all night. I first spoke to it as a child and then as an adult. I quickly began to understand what has frightened or confused me throughout different points in my life. It showed me how to separate and feel safe.

Voices amplified around me. Calling out my name, calling out in pain. I could do nothing to help but send them love. I did not have to escape, I could be present in it without it consuming me.

At one point, I could feel my friend next to me going into his dark, death place. He was frightened and quickly disappearing in it.

I was conflicted. Do I reach out to help him? Should I let him have his process? The conflict stopped when I felt the strong urge to reach out and grab his arm. We are not supposed to talk in these ceremonies but a scared and tearful "thank you" came out of his mouth when I did.

I grabbed his hand and mentally told him, "You do not have to go to that place. You are not alone. I love you." and after a bit I let go. In that instant, it all became so clear to me. Such a release and relief.

I began sending out love to all my friends on their journey and it felt good. It felt right.

Its been interesting to re-enter from this trip. I see the noise and find myself struggling with going back to that old way but I know the feeling of openness and don't want to deny myself it anymore. Its still all swirling in my head. This is the only part of it I felt needed to be explained.

How was my trip to Peru?

Beautiful and perfect in so many ways.

Sacred Valley of the Incas

2011-06-20T09:51:00.004-04:00

SOL.

Abby ran into and old friend on the walk back home. Elliot the dog. He was hanging near Gringo Village.

Melissa-Wasi

2011-06-20T09:50:00.002-04:00

Flying over the Andes. LAN airline ROCKS!

Greeted with a little Coca Tea. Definitely helps with the altitude.

Backyard at the compound. At different times of the day, I'd see faces in the mountains.

Simba and Nala ruled the yard.

Sacred valley of the Incas, indeed.

First night....

Chauaitiri Village

2011-06-20T09:27:00.004-04:00

A visit to the village of Chauaitiri. Their village is situated at the highest point of the mountains and they have a tribal council that makes decisions for everyone. They made the most beautiful woven items.

Rainbow looms with lama bones to weave colorful alpaca thread through.

This baby knows what's up. I loved the hats so much it was the first thing I purchased in Peru. Most people bargained but I couldn't cause thats just some damn fine craftsmanship. I forked over the Soles for those amazing geometric designs.

The yarn making. The colorful blue yarn gets its coloring from men's pee. No, I'm not kidding....

Anarchy in Uniform

2011-06-19T15:02:00.003-04:00

On our excursion up to Moray, we had an unexpected stop. Whaa???

School girl ANARCHY! The girls stopped traffic with their sign asking everyone to turn off their motors for 10 minutes. It was all to honor the Earth. Awesome...

I love this door.

Salt Mines

2011-06-19T14:59:00.001-04:00

A surreal martian experience. I wanted to go down into the mines but apparently we were not allowed to so I bought some pantalones instead.

Oh and some salt too.

Moray

2011-06-19T14:28:00.006-04:00

Moray. A great place to wear hats.

Formerly, a place to celebrate Pachamama (Mother Earth). It's a site with really good energy and as you descend into the center, the temperature rises.

It was a place to grow crops and have celebrations. This was my favorite spot of the whole trip.

Getting Down. Getting Up. -- Rock stairs!

Top o the World with best buddies Angie and Abby.

Wheeeeee!

2011-06-19T14:25:00.001-04:00

Temple Ruins

2011-06-18T10:02:00.004-04:00

Where the Incans at?

Temple Ruins

2011-06-18T09:51:00.005-04:00

The Aussie connection. Tony, me and Angie hanging at the sun temple.

Matthew scouting it out.

Gray and Me in our best "holy crap, check that out!" pose. We instantly became friends when he pulled out his awesome camera. I love me some Gray!

Part of ze group. Such amazing peeps.

Diego.

Pisaq Market Day

2011-06-18T09:25:00.004-04:00

The river that flows through the Valley of the Sacred Incas. Walking it into town was awesome. Such a crazy strong current.

On that walk I got to watch a sheep chase a cow all the way down it. That was one angry sheep!

The market had everything you could ever want. A lot of the locals who live up in the mountains and can't make it down everyday come on Sundays to sell their stuff. There were a lot of Rasta peeps from the US too.

Cool blues.

The vegetables taste so different down there. They have a lot more life and flavor. I wanted to eat everything I saw. Last night I made some quinoa soup last night to remind me of how good we ate in Peru. Que bueno!

Cusco

2011-06-17T17:03:00.003-04:00

A birthday present I bought for Abby.

Dried fruit that has been carved with images. The sun is Patchapapa and the moon on the other side is the symbol for Patchamama.

While we chatted she carved out the top lid and sanded the insides.

She has 7 children and one grandchild which she showed me a picture of. Her husband carves the images and she sells them in the square.

Beautiful stained glass at the coffee shop.

Nice view from a coffee shop! The rainbow flag is the symbol of Cusco.

So ok. Working backwards, Cusco was an interesting place but not necessarily my favorite. It's a city for sure and after spending all my time in the Sacred Valley of the Incas it was a bit much for me. It seems to be the jump-off spot for all the cool power places in southern Peru. Mucho turistos.

Crowds can drain me quickly and after walking a bit I chose to stop have a coffee and sit in the square. A lady approached me with a bag full of colorful gourds and asked me if I wanted to buy. I said no and she sat down. She started to ask me some questions and the conversation developed.

My Spanish quickly came back as we chatted for a few. She started to show me all the symbols on the gourds and after that I couldn't resist. I asked her about the drawings and she told me her husband carved them all. So intricate.

We chatted about everything as she carved out the lid and sanded it out.

It was perfect and I got the little travel time experience I like to have outside of the retreat. The best part of traveling is going places and chatting up the locals.

It usually happens just like this did. Such kind people in Peru. Between scouting out the markets and taking in the sites, it was a nice way to end the trip.

Peru, I love you.

2011-06-15T13:36:00.006-04:00

An amazing trip.

Crazy unexplainable experiences and some the most beautiful people I have ever met. I have so much love in my heart right now, I never want to forget this feeling.

Got everything I wanted and more. Ah Peru, how I love you.

More pics to come after I recover from the jet lag and sprint across MIA...

Peru bound...

2011-06-06T10:37:00.007-04:00

Time to brush up on the Spanglish!

See you in a semana...

Can't stop...

2011-06-05T06:44:00.006-04:00

Woke up dreaming of packing and the feeling that time is running out. One more day...to Peru.

Ever since I bought it, I can't stop listening to this album - Eddie Vedder's Ukulele Songs. Such hauntingly, beautiful music. The emotion in his voice is so raw and honest, I find myself waking and craving it.

I especially love the track "Tonight You Belong to Me" last heard from one of my favorite movies of all time, "The Jerk".

You can listen to the whole thing here.

Schooner Mini-Regatta

2011-05-30T09:05:00.006-04:00

Santiago's Little Dingy built by Captain Robert Henry. He walked around the corner to West Marine for the hat at which point the store guy warned him that walking down Duval in a pink shirt and a captain's hat would get his ass pummeled.

I loved it when the emcee asked politely for Captain and Tennille to get off the dock.

The scariest part was getting in the dingy which by the way, was possibly the tiniest boat there.

We were in the 8th heat so that was a lot of time for me to imagine falling in the poopy marina water. Nervous energy was abound. Lots of people, cameras and emcees declaring that the race would be seen on CNN, the AP and around the world. Would my possible poopy water swim be forever captured?

Robert Henry calmed my nerves with a few beers. A few too many apparently cause when we walked onto the dock it moved a little too much.

"Oh shit, I'm drunk!" I exclaimed.

"Me too!" Robert Henry concurred and did not inspire confidence for me on him holding the boat steady so I could get in. In fact it started to float off at one point when he got distracted.

The race was a lot of fun and we actually won our heat! I beat a guy with horns on his head and the Schooner Wharf breakfast crew. Woot Woot! Unfortunately I had to go to work that night so I couldn't race in the second one. Can't wait for next year.

Schooner Mini-Regatta

2011-05-29T08:43:00.010-04:00

Robert Henry has been building a boat.

He asked me to paddle for him in the Schooner Wharf mini-regatta going on today. He started building 3 days ago.

I agreed on the condition that it must float (that marina water is poopy) and when I saw it for the first time I was shocked. It's friggin' tiny!

We had a test run yesterday in a pool and it was a little wobbly. The monster oar had me going in a zig-zag motion. His theme is Yacht Rock to which I got a little outfit for the maiden voyage. Today I refuse to answer anything unless you call me Buffy.

This should be interesting and by interesting I mean a little scary. It's hard for me to turn down someone building something they've creatively hand-made. Plus I was just curious to see how it would work.

Good Lord, who knew this would make me more nervous than the 12 mile paddle around the island I did a couple of weeks ago? Yet one more goofy decision to try something new without really thinking about it. Kinda like that time I decided last minute to play donkey basketball.

Gotta love Key West and their events - here's to staying afloat in the boat!

Rapture

2011-05-21T19:10:00.005-04:00

A little theme music for the "end of the world".

I figured out a way to find out if the world is going to end. Check the operating schedule at the Florida Holy Land Jesus theme park.

I did and they were open all day today. They even had a special guest performance and it wasn't Jesus.

Toni Baloney Visit - 3rd annual Beef Jerky Convention

2011-05-21T10:40:00.004-04:00

3rd Annual Beef Jerky reunion has a new attendee. Bebe Lauren!

Hey Lauren, let's go check out some sharks! Yay!!

Toni and Lauren checkin' out the cool fishies.

It was hard to figure out who was checking out who.

I forgot that Toni loves food just as much as I do. As I described menu items to Toni and we talked about the food options, it felt like porn. I think we did good jamming in the scrumptious eats for one 24 hour period. The last stop was to Johnson's Grocery in Bahama Village to pick a footlong Cuban Mix sandwich for the road. Love that place.

Until next time....

Key West Aquarium Day

2011-05-19T23:52:00.010-04:00

Bebe Lauren and Toni checking out the fishies.

Time to cuddle with the gator.

Ryan enjoying some Florida gator love.

Holy crap. The Key West aquarium is a lot of fun. Toni, Ryan and Lauren came down for the day and we all checked out the critters Brian oversees.

From what I've read, it's a building that was built in the 30's which was a part of the WPA program during the depression era. They are upgrading some things but it's cool to see its got some good ole Key West funk still in it. Highly recommend!

Key West Aquarium Day

2011-05-19T23:47:00.006-04:00

He was a little wiggly!

Oh my God, I love you. I'm so sorry your mouth is taped shut.

Kisses! Gator love. xoxo....

Unleashing the snake. I was the only one who wanted it out.

Key West Aquarium Day

2011-05-19T20:38:00.006-04:00

Thanks Brian for sharing your big snake with me.

This thing was AWESOME. It almost crushed my hand!

Daddy and bebe Lauren. Exposing baby to alligators, snakes and sharks at an early age. Gotta love Florida, GIT 'R DONE!

Me and Brian trying to get the snake back in its box.

Bye. Bye. little fella! I love you.

Key West Aquarium Day

2011-05-19T20:32:00.004-04:00

Dolphin Zone....

2011-05-09T16:38:00.010-04:00

Decided to do the paddle board classic last week. Mostly because the Lazy Dog crew is doing it and also they assured me I'd be ok. I didn't believe them until they told me about how a search crew went looking for them during last year's race cause they stopped too many places for beer.

I figured what the hell, I'm in.

Then the reality of a 12 mile paddle set in and two days ago I thought I better start "training". I'm not interested in racing, just going the distance. I paddled all the way around Stock Island to test my stamina a few days ago. Afterwards, I thought - holy crap what did I just get myself into?

Yup, right on schedule.

After telling the kitchen crew last night about my sign up, one freaked out and mentioned how he knew someone that's been training for weeks. The other guy kindly told him not to scare me.

So this morning I decided I needed to try the Stock Island circle again and find the zone. What that was I had no idea but figured I'd know when I'd know.

One thing was immediately clear, I need to create a Itunes mix with some mellow rhythmic music to match the pace. Dolly Parton was a surprisingly good choice today. Thinking of loading up on some country for the island stroll.

After testing a few things out, I started to hit the zone. I could feel it. I closed my eyes to feel it more and as I opened them I saw a fin in the distance. My zone quickly broke, as the excitement set in.

A dolphin!

It came straight toward me coming within just a few feet of my board. He playfully turned on his side while checking me out zooming by. I stood in awe as he circled a couple more times before heading out to the Gulf.

Unbelievable and I found the zone! It felt amazing getting off the water today.

That alone was worth signing up for the race.

New Moon

2011-05-03T15:59:00.002-04:00

The water feels nice... Summer is coming.

Up North

2011-04-30T18:14:00.016-04:00

"Do you miss being up north?"

"No."

I answered just as the nice couple from Chicago finished their sentence. It shocked them how quickly I answered almost as it shocked me. Lately, lots of tourists have asked me how I got here and I've recanted the story over and over again the last week or two. Is it to remind me of something? Yep, my past life in which the choices I made did not suit me. And much how the right ones do.

It's been almost 6 years (I think) since I emptied out my storage unit in Chicago giving most of my belongings to a charity and moved on down. In that time, I've entered an entirely different type of customer service job. No more servicing of egomaniac brand clients who think they know exactly what their customers want.

Instead, having a job talking directly with those customers one-on-one. Getting more information than you ever wanted or needed about their needs and wants. Some days a little too much. If you ever want to learn how to market things to people or tap into the consumer mind, get a friggin' restaurant job.

When I came down in 2005, I was at a point that something had to change. When things don't feel right eventually they crash, at least for me anyway. That is one big lesson, I have finally faced. Don't ignore the tugging feelings and late night dreams that wake you out of a dead sleep. If something feels off, it usually is.

The job situation has definitely improved from last year's hell. The restaurant has been a godsend of cool people and laid back creative types. I've gotten exactly what I desperately needed. When one shift disappeared from the restaurant, the paddle boarding stepped in and up. In getting that area of my life to work for me instead of against me, it allowed the space to grow my own interests and feel alive again. Bottom line, work is important but more importantly is to like your work, whatever it may be.

To be on the water at least four times a week is sanity. I find I like teaching new people how to do it and it makes me happy seeing them move past their fears of failing. I've been learning lots of patience and communication skills that I know have already benefited me. Plus the sport just rocks and people dig it as much as I do.

My old cube days have been replaced with a different kind of board meeting. That was my goal starting back in good ole 2005. Actually I think it was crapola 2003, the escape from advertising. Looking back, I cannot believe I thought I could function properly in an office but I thought it was the only way. To see things shifting feels great and all the old stuff that's been keeping me back continues to fall away as I give myself exactly what I need. Lots of things contribute to that, too much to go into here.

Back in October when I had that astrological reading, she said one thing that I thought of this week. "You have the map of where we all need to be going." I literally laughed out loud when she said that to me cause at the time, it couldn't have been farther from what I was feeling.

But as I allowed myself to hear that voice and follow its direction, it's led me exactly to where I need to be. Supporting me the entire way. I finally truly believe that we are all given exactly what we need in each present moment. Our lives are already perfect in that moment. No need to wait until, if or when. It just is. That has given me more solace than anything I have ever discovered. I continue to take refuge in it.

And in that belief, my heart opens and the walls fall. Releasing old fears that only serve to keep me back. I trust that voice. It has always been there and always will. I remember to listen to it daily.

As it gets stronger, I get stronger.

Paddling has many benefits as well as getting rid of my car and biking. I feel strength everywhere in my body. At work this week, I finally opened this wall that I've never been able to before. It was an amazing moment cause I've only ever been able to squeak part of it up. I decided to try it one more time and in one fail swoop that thing flew up and surprised the hell out of me. I've been smiling about that one all week. Another wall down.

Biking and paddling are my brainstorm rooms and the ideas have been flying out. So much so I think I caused myself to short circuit the other night. I passed out after having a major brainstorm day and woke up seeing sunset but thinking it was 7am and time to get ready for work. There's a channel that's opening and it was something else the astrologer mentioned. She said I'd need to watch out for over stimulation cause a ton of information will be flying in. Not a bad thing to have but I do realize the need to take care of myself in order to properly harness this stuff.

I started reading a book I got a few years back before I visited Peru. It wasn't about the region I was visiting but the one I will be in a month. I knew. I knew before I knew.

As people inquire into my decision to move to Key West I feel them searching as I was on what to do. I think of what I'd tell them...

Surround yourself with all the things you need to be you. And if you don't know who that is, just ask that little voice.

Grackle!

2011-04-25T13:17:00.008-04:00

I have been trying to figure out what bird this was and leave it to a walk with Cricket to let me know. Cricket's good like that.

As we rested in the shade, one appeared above us and I immediately pointed up and asked her what it was. It's a Grackle. She mentioned how she used to see them swarm the trees in Costa Rica. Wow.

Finally. Sometimes stuff like that sticks in my brain until I get the answer. They follow me everywhere and have even tried to come in my house. Like walking through the balcony door just like a person making a visit.

In Spain, I used to have these really large black birds follow me from place to place. They felt like guardian angels, always hovering in the background watching over me. They would only fly away when I tried to capture them with my camera.

Kinda what these remind me of. The Key West version. Grackle!

Piercing yellow eyes. I love their name and especially their high-pitched grunt.

Scenes from a Tour

2011-04-11T19:37:00.006-04:00

In the zone.

Found a couple of Conchs!

Ze tour.

James & Howard obviously enjoying themselves. I love this pic!

Been enjoying the paddle board tours a lot. Getting out on a board a couple times a week is sanity for me. Plus I just really enjoy getting people who've never done it out there. They have this moment of peace and enjoyment on their faces by the end I just can't describe. It's an awesome job and I was thinking this week how much I love it and how lucky I am.

Had a couple of characters on one of the tours. This one guy came up to the booth really wanting to go on a tour. He was amped, man! I was leaving in 10 minutes and told them they could join me if they wanted and so they did. Funny guys who I later found out are crew for Bob Weir (Grateful Dead dude) and were in Florida this week for some his shows. They decided not to ride the tour bus and drove their own van through the keys complete with their own kayaks.

They were really cool to talk to and the whole tour talked about all kinds of stuff while paddling around the mangroves. Who knew my old Boulder life would have come in handy when talking about String Cheese Incident and Broomfield to James. I asked why Bob hasn't made it down here yet. They say he always talks about it but he never actually makes it. I told them about the Green Parrot and all the awesome music that goes through there including the incredible Big Sam's Funky Nation. Howard had heard of Big Sam said he was going to try to talk Bob and the crew into coming down to kayak sometime. Now that would be a fun tour if they're anything like these two.

James got some cool shots with his Iphone and just sent them to me with a note telling me to hit the mainland this summer to hear some music. Thanks guys!

Best things in life are

2011-04-05T16:12:00.004-04:00

Kiss Kiss - Silly Fish.

2011-03-30T14:41:00.001-04:00

So Long Good Buddy

2011-03-25T18:10:00.006-04:00

Turned in the Jetta. Surrendered my license plate. Got a new drivers license.

Come full circle and am carless once again. The last time I was sans car, I lived on the isle of Manhattan. I like this island better.

After I got my new drivers license I couldn't stop looking at it. It really looks like me. I mean ME.

Florida me, complete with sunkissed skin, wavy long hair and a dash of highlights. Don't think I've ever seen a pic that really reflects who I am like this one which is probably part of the reason I keep staring. The DMV is my new Glamour Shots.

Hell, the Jetta looks pretty good too! So long good buddy, you rocked.

R.I.P. Beast - 1996 - 2011

Day Off.

2011-03-12T12:14:00.002-05:00

Much needed.

Peru

2011-03-10T15:13:00.019-05:00

Book a trip, have a monsoon kayak tour.

God bless nice boys with boats and jet skis...and one in particular. I discovered that everyone needs a rescue from time to time, including me.

The description read early this morning for today's events was: the "winds of change" were going to be blowing hard.

Holy crap, that's an understatement.

Waterlogged and exhausted after trying to herd people to safety, I started to wonder how I was going to do it all. I could hardly get myself pointing in the right direction and moving, let alone a group.

As I struggled I kept hearing, "Don't fight the water. Go with the flow. Surrender to it."

I did exactly that and just when I thought I was sunk, an army showed up to help me right when I needed them. I was no longer having to fight it all on my own.

People showing up...Winds of change, indeed.

Just 'cause...

2011-03-08T19:54:00.004-05:00

Keep running into cool dogs.

I loved how this guy camouflaged into the concrete.