Rain Frog

Reading, listening to the rain and painting frog.

Had a great yoga practice this morning too with the new teacher / shaman at the studio.

Happy Full Moon. Happy Lunar Eclipse.

Time to shake the leaves...

Riding the waves

As I ride the waves of final approval, I watch the condo die only to be resurrected a mere 2 hours later.

I want clarity. I want finality. I can't get either. 

I also decide to email my landlord cause I'm tired of playing chicken with my lease renewal. Let him know what's up and he's really good about it which I was not expecting.

So ready for this to be done... Its like a relationship that you keep going back into to see if it'll work this way. Or that way. Or this way. Or maybe that way.

How do people do this multiple times??? I guess it gets easier. Buying a house is a rollercoaster of paperwork and emotions. 

So I look at clouds... Big fluffy clouds.

And go for floats in the ocean to calm my nerves. Home is an important sanctuary for me. I like to know where I'm rooted.

Starting to realize home is really no place in particular. Its just you. So either way, it'll all work out the way its supposed to.

Don't Push

Found this gem written on the yoga studio door today:

"Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax.

If you relax it comes, if you relax it is there. 

If you relax, you start vibrating with it."

- Osho

We find what we are looking for in the perfect moment, no?

A little rain shower and impromptu Indian lunch with my fave yogis too. And coffee. Just what I needed to push through the next two shifts.

I am...

I am the frog king.

Made me laugh out loud after I finished drawing it

Ribbit! Ribbit!

Just Say No

Buttered popcorn at the movies is never a good idea. Especially when you realize the strange look Judy Blume gave you while exiting the theater was the stain left on your dress from devouring the bag.

#impressingbelovedchildhoodauthorfail

Condo under contract again. Decided to pass by it to see what the dusk light looked like in the hood. Not too shabby. Enjoyed the pink purple clouds along the way.

Bike commute time to theater is also acceptable.

Happy Sunday...

The Final Countdown

And, Here comes the condo again...

The final round! For reals!

My real estate guy asked me to call this dude after the last no. The only reason I called was cause I love my real estate guy and thought if he had a contact the least I could do was call.

I now have a hybrid of mortgage broker that contains the trustworthy banker combined with the speed of "smoke and mirrors". 

One lengthy phone conversation on my bike to the beach and I was able to get all the info I needed and felt I could trust him. 

Got to also tell him exactly what I was looking for which I had no clue when I started this whole thing. "Loan Speed Dating 101 - What have we learned so far?" is in full effect.

I've tried to give it up three times now. Someone reaaaally wants me to get this. Wonder if its Grandma? Does she want to swim in my pool???

Stay tuned...Another signed contract. 

In the meantime I will go out for bubbles dreaming of HGTV.

And a pug in a taco suit.

The symbol of victory!

Feelin' Grateful

Man. When I crash, I crash.

Ever feel like you are moving something out of your body when you get sick? That's what it felt like and rest was the only remedy.

Lost my voice for about three days too. That happens a lot for me when something big is shifting but feel so much better. Clear.

And feeling really grateful. 

Grateful not to be sick anymore and back at yoga again. I realize I can't really sit still for more than a week. Movement is what I crave in all forms.

Grateful to get back in the water for a swim and meet up with my beach buddies. One even asked if I'd like to learn how to sail! Didn't know how much I missed boat life until she talked about working some sunset sails. I just might get another boat gig. I love that I'm picking jobs now based on personal interest and wanting to learn something new.

Grateful for my job and work families. We had someone get run over on a scooter and everyone has stepped up to help without even asking. In the restaurant world this kind of healthy work environment...is rare. Who am I kidding, any type of work environment.

Grateful for European holiday ending. After a rash of high maintenance, chain smoking, non-tipping Europeans last week. Local special is in full effect and I've never been so happy to see people who live here at the restaurant.

Grateful to not be afraid to show my art. Sold a couple more pieces to an art consultant at Wyland and fellow yogi I love. Didn't blink an eye when someone asked for a piece to auction off at a fundraiser. It used to take a long time to build up courage just to show someone my art.

Grateful for my home. Got a new neighbor and even though he scared the crap out of me introducing himself while asking to share my wi-fi - he's super quiet. The last one had a cute grandkid that liked to scream for hours on end. Most days it sounded like a cat getting skinned beneath me.

Grateful for letting go. 

This one I'm realizing has sunk in well. The day after I decided to let the condo go, it reappeared just as I was cashing my escrow check. 

The lady who owned it was upping the insurance to fix the problem I had with the bank. Did I still want to buy?

I at first got frustrated. Why can't it just go??? I don't want to get my hopes up again and see them crash. AGAIN.

It seems another round has been added. Talking to banks again but its truly out of my hands as the insurance was upped and needs to be reassessed. And there is a little release in that.

Just got the first feedback which was again, NO. There might be other options cause my real estate agent wants me to buy but I'm trusting that all will work out the right way. But I'm fine. and calm.

If its meant to be, its meant to be. 

And if its not, something else better is out there for me to find. As I've seen over the last 10 years down here, when things don't work out the way you think - its a blessing. And something new appears that you could have never imagined fit you so right.

I actually believe this too. No pushing. No pining away for something I can't have. I'm ready to move on cause there's a plan.

A perfect plan I know will just unfold as I stay present. How many years have I been saying this? But it actually is being felt and trusted for what might be the first time.

Guess we all need a couple rounds to figure stuff out. Energetically they say when your vibration rises whatever is lurking in your system that is lower will get expelled out.

I'd like to think that all that snot and phlegm last weekend was a goodbye of sorts. 

Looking forward into the new season and seeing what develops. 

Not Good Enough.

Well, the condo is no more...Funny how things roll in and out so quickly. I'm bummed but know it was the right decision. 

Loved the space. It was perfect and exactly what I wanted in the neighborhood I've always wanted to live in.

Started imagining my life in it. The pug I was going to finally get. What I would buy, how I come home after work for night swims. #yay. Hanging out with my friends who lived right across the street. 

Yup, had been getting real excited about the move in when I got the call. 

The bank couldn't approve the loan. 

"I guess this is an I told you so moment" my loan officer said. 

We had a big "come to Jesus" conversation with me telling him that the other broker said he wouldn't make it happen and I guess that has come to fruition. Even though he promised it would. "I'm sorry...you were right."

Getting the call right before I had to go into work and in normal fashion I was starting to lose my voice from a cold that's been passed around at the restaurant lately. I was oddly calm. 

The next day I talked to some peeps and gathered my options before my voice pooped out. It wasn't hard to know the right choice.

The problem wasn't me or my finances. I was in fact a prime candidate to buy. 

But the building didn't hold enough insurance and that was where the gig was up. 

The bank refused to take the risk that the other tenants would be able to rebuild the building if it didn't get wiped off the face of the earth. (Yes, you need to factor apocalyptic weather into the purchase of a property in Florida)

I reached out to people I know who have properties down here to find out if this was a standard insurance policy. Is Florida is just crazy about their insurance policies?

Talked to two more banks when I realized if its this hard for me to buy, it its going to be equally hard to sell it and that was that.

I am a good candidate. I have a lot to offer and feel the same should be given to me. 

I was now forced into a position of fear of losing something I had longed for or seeing the reality and having to wrap myself into something I didn't want to do just so I could get it.

So, I chose to let it go. 

This has been a long standing issue for me. Knowing my worth and moving from that place of knowing instead of a place of fear. I think I finally know it. 

The crazy stress of getting a house had me remembering to trust. Trust that everything is happening right. Trust that there is something guiding me to the place I need to be. Just let go and trust. What is meant to be will be.

I was saying "trust" to myself whenever I'd start fearing and it relaxed me. Even thought it would have been great, I won't sacrifice myself to fit into a place I know isn't good for me. And that is probably the greatest gift. Seeing that self worth has finally taken hold. It feels good.

This one astrologer writes a great column every week and here's what she wrote for the day I let the condo go:

Moon is in Scorpio and goes void square to Sun. Today is the Final exam! Sun squares Saturn, Moon and Admetos. Sun’s light in Leo is the brightest it can be! Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are at the warmest time. It challenges the darkness of Saturn in Scorpio’s swamp and THE SUN WINS!!! THE SUN IS BIGGER, BRIGHTER AND BOLDER THAN SATURN. SATURN REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN, not the other way around. Let your sun shine in! Allow the last few years of Saturn rolling through the swamp of your life to go. You can just let them go. Yes, it is that easy. The Sun is shining in. Or it wants to. Venus works with Pluto to invite a different vision of what is possible in your life. Why can’t that happen? Move toward it with an open heart. Open up your heart and let the sun shine in. Venus works with Uranus and breaks free of her restrictions (part two). Sun’s sesquiquadrate to Pluto invites a letting go energy. Mercury’s aspect to Eris can be envy filled or tired of dealing with the envy and difficulties. Take action in the direction of your stress. Move to clear it and release it. There is very serious ending energy today ~ ending 2 ½ years, 29 years or maybe even your life… time to move towards the light! Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Hands off. Let go. Back away. Move towards your life and your light!


So back to my much loved life which has felt on hold in order to be available signatures and paperwork shuffling. 

Including curling up today with a good book and some movies to help recuperate my throat.

I have been educated on what it takes to get a house bought and on the fly negotiations. It'll come in handy again for sure.

Next!