Sink or Swim

My adrenal glands are on overdrive. Too many things to think about.

The September locals special which is both a blessing and a curse. A great way to make money in the slow time but has also brought in the worst of the worst locals. People have been freaking me out with their crazy behavior for discounted tapas.

Including a couple of out of town doctors lying about being locals so they can get a discount. Me asking for ID and busting them. Then receiving a speech about how they give so much free stuff away to people and how they help third world countries all the time. Yup, you're still not getting that discount. 

Deciding to let go of one job a bit in order to open more time up for things I want to work on for myself. 

Happily thinking of what I will be filling my extra time with when I immediately get offered two new jobs. One of which might include going to Nepal to buy $700 handmade cashmere scarves. Start wondering if I actually need a career track or if a change in professions is on the horizon. Could be both.

Signing another years lease for my apartment and wondering if this will be the last year I live here. Thinking it might be. And then realizing I'll need to get a car...and insurance

Dad gets through his semi-conscious surgery ok and mom says his voice sounds stronger than before, even the day after surgery. So relieved.

He can't eat solids or speak for the next few days but she does tell me he smashed up some sardines for his first meal at home. Damn those smoothies a Spaniards gotta eat.

Helping my sister bust her piece of crap tenant who has been renting her house out on AirBnB without her knowledge or more importantly consent. She has been getting wonderful reviews though. 

Wondering what the hell is wrong with this lady and people in general when she shows up at the restaurant for dinner and I ask the hostess what her name is on the list. 

I did not realize the amount of restraint it takes to not clock a person with a pepper grinder while delivering food to a table. 

After three consecutive days of crazy special locals I begin to wonder what the hell is wrong with people. And then one more I've been distressed about shows up which I have the pleasure of waiting on.

She is with her friend/client. I have been wondering something about her and in particular, information I shared with her unknowingly while discussing what I'd been up to lately. Those thoughts of where that information went are pretty much confirmed by this greeting. 

Annoyed. Wondering if I'll have to restrain the pepper grinder again but mostly bummed cause I feel I probably don't know my friend as well as I thought I did. Oh well, she has been a good friend in the past and I've got plenty of other good ones now.

Working all of those crazy September special days so I can attend this months yoga teacher classes which has been amazing. Loving all the things I'm learning about how to heal and clear the body through movement and breath work - its unreal. My personal practice builds with every class week. 

Its so much information that in preparation for this week's written test, I had to make flash cards which I review while getting my nails did. The test is done and I was so relieved until hearing that in the next few weeks I'll have to teach an open class at the studio. 

First thought...Horrified. 

Second thought...What the hell did you think was going to happen in "Yoga Teacher Training Class"??? 

Coming home right after class and crazily searching through my music for a "playlist". 

Can I seamlessly blend in the Beastie Boys and Jim Croce with Buddhist monks chanting or is that too much? Finally at 12:30am realizing I'll have to come up with an hours worth of movements to go with it. Crap.

Public speaking has always made me queasy and  public speaking set to movements AND music is an all time new level of nauseous. Is there a soundtrack for that? 

I drink wine, light some lavender Balinese incense and give up on the soundtrack while planning on practice in the morning to figure out what the hell I'll be presenting. 

I also think about my earlier conversation with one of the yoga teachers about trading some marketing advice for paddle board yoga teacher training classes. Cause you know if I'm terrified about teaching on land, teaching on water is the next logical step. 

Guess I openly admitted today through this lunchtime conversation that I do miss marketing. 

My mind constantly sees ways to package things. It wants the puzzles and opportunity to find bizarre solutions to them, especially for things I believe in. Something I've been thinking a lot about that lately.

Its 2am I need to sleep cause my adrenal glands, which I learned about in our anatomy portion this weekends class, are officially fatigued.

The painting above is one I started last week titled "Sink or Swim". An image I've been wanting to paint from my swims at Ft. Zach. Yup, it kinda sums it all up. 

Gotta remember - don't think. Do. Its just an experience and one you are asking for. Don't fight it.

Stay in the moment. Take a deep breath.

OOOOOooommmmmmmm.....

Oh my God. I need coffee. And gotta renew my library books.