Sunday, December 13, 2015

Extra Storage






While waiting out the rain to pass through before doing laundry, I sketched out this little guy I'd been thinking about.


Its always fun when a friend texts you "Hey Pen Pen. Whatcha doing?!"

And you get to answer "Painting a turtle hauling an RV."

Extra Storage or Truckin' - not sure what the title will be yet but enjoying it just the same.

Fancy hobo dreams continue.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Blub blub blub




Got a good list of strange stuff to paint. 

I've been trying to write down any random image that comes to mind so I can flesh it out in 2-D. 

That list is growing thanks to my warped mind.

I like to draw and realize that these strange images can become reality pretty quickly. The scrap wood pile need a priming. 

Going to finish up some old ones, start the new and apply for a call to arts account so I can start plugging them in all over this great land.

Blub blub blub....

Monday, December 7, 2015

Woot to the Woot

psychic site up and running! 
shop build out next..


As Adele would say: 
"Hallooooo from the other side!"

Sunday, December 6, 2015

All I want for Christmas


All I want for Christmas...

Is to be a fancy hobo.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

In the Beginning...



Almost done with the psychic's web site and shop I'm building and its looking GOOD. 

Yesterday I was on a double chat line with her domain company and also squarespace at the same time trying to switch the new site over. God bless screen shot so I could show my chat line buddies what I was doing to make sure it was right.

In building this site, I'm learning how to set up an online store. Thinking of starting my own shop as well and revamping my site. Gotta love learning new things.

As I was talking to my client yesterday she told me she realized the need for a good website after she went looking to sign up for a workshop and saw another psychics overwhelming purple and butterfly motif.

I told her its fun to figure out a way to sell her supernatural gifts to the mainstream and actually used the term "I'll business you up" so we can forgo the purple, unicorns and butterflies.

Supernatural marketing. My new love...

In between that, I'm realizing the yoga teacher training has paid off in spades as I'm practicing at home or on the beach. Maybe the cemetery next.

Have mat. will travel.




Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Grateful


Grateful.

This is where I've been starting my mornings. 

The park pass that gets full use in summer is about to get more use in the winter cause I've left the studio to do yoga out here for now.

Roll down to the beach this morning and have a good conversation with mom on the way to clear up some old stuff. Much better to talk it out than to let it simmer.

Start a yoga practice and find that when I do birds flock over to glide overhead. 

This morning its a hawk and as I twist and turn I spot it hanging out with me. How amazing does it feel to spread your wings and see the same thing above? Really amazing.

After yoga teacher training I was so wound up about how to teach. 

How to create a "sequence". Lately I just like to move and flow into positions that feel right to my body. Busting up stagnant energy with sun salutations under the natural light and leaves feels so good.

So do headstands in the sand looking out at the water upside down.

Its not a perfect asana as I get texts from my psychic asking to write up a thanksgiving message to her clients that we can send out this week. 

I can't stop thinking about it, so I stop my practice to text her it'd be more meaningful coming from her instead of me. Not necessarily a yogi thing to do in the middle of a practice.

I give her a sample of what I'd write and as soon as I do she tells me she's just overwhelmed with readings right now and will write it later. Was good to not spin out with her while being clear about what is needed.

The beach starts to fill with tourists who are happily escaping the cold. I finish my practice and read a little from this book I have by Osho. Yoga: the science of living.

His words speak to me in a powerful way, but last week I was horrified to see a video of him. He looks like he could of been an extra from Mork and Mindy. Or a cult leader that might be passing me some Kool-aid later.

He may be a freak, but his words and philosophies on life are dead on. And helpful. I just can't watch him talk in his tin foil outfits. And that's ok.

After I get my fill, I walk down to the ocean to feel the water. There's something about finishing yoga and ripping off a shirt to go swimming in your booty shorts and sports bra. 

So freeing to be in the moment. So alive.

I know I have been down on Key West lately. But this is a good reminder why I love Florida and can't wait to explore more of it. There is so much more out there. Exactly what I love - wildness. (in nature - not bars)

More state parks than any state in the country I found out recently. Looking forward to getting that car and moving even more.

Its good to have things to look forward to, no?

I ride onward watching all the tourists shuffle here and there. Picking up trash they leave behind. First a trash bag, then a water bottle cap.

Stop by my local bakery for a cup o joe and pastry, I get to see a fellow work friend and her dog Frank. Frank!!

Frank is a love bug and I can't get enough. I don't even care about my coffee as he jumps all over me.

And this is how I start my day. Grateful.




Monday, November 16, 2015

Breathe


Paradise is slowly choking on greed and money. 
Where is the air? 

This comes into mind with each brush stroke.

Time will tell and I think a car is in the future. Even scoping out a teardrop trailer so I can go and stay everywhere.

In the meantime... I enjoy my pile of scrap wood, enjoy the cool breezes, build a psychics website, drink wine and bake cookies. 

And life is good.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Accidental



The accidental self portrait of a palm

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Repeat


Yoga, coffee, photo, swim, paint. Repeat.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Blossom


Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find who you really are. Multiple times.

As I watch my hair grow out into its natural color I revel in the change. Seeing the person I tried to cover up, come back in again. Wearing different hair colors, different jobs, different relationships to see what fits is no longer needed.

I love watching the dark color fill back in and wonder why I ever tried to change it. It works. My eyes look more alive framed with my natural coloring. There is an intensity. 

Maybe I wasn't ready for it before.

The dark line lengthens complete with a few grays that I'm ok not removing. My grandmother had beautiful gray hair and so will I someday.

She is here and always was. Currently her uniform is yoga booty shorts and muscle t-shirts. 

And it works




Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Turning a Corner / Pedal to the Metal



Feeling like I'm coming out the other side. 

A good day yesterday at yoga. Love a full room and the energy of it all. I feel strong.

Found a curbside pile of wood to paint on. Been pondering some new stuff when it appeared magically. I left a few pieces for other peeps.

Going to put a down payment on my Greece retreat.

Found out Tibetan monks are coming in January to do a sacred art tour, including making a sand mandala. The chanting alone gives me chills.

Designed a flyer in one day and it got me out of my work funk. Got more design on tap I haven't felt up to until I did that flyer.

A new mattress and frame arrived via amazon prime today. There's something exciting and hopeful about a new mattress that just makes me really fucking happy.

Going to start selling my artwork through my website. Really. Don't give a shit anymore, its gonna happen.

And this. Purple Rain mother f*ckers!




Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Cheaper than therapy


I listen as a group of customers cackle in unison after one says: "Alcohol is cheaper than therapy!!"

No it isn't you fools.

This is.

Enjoying the crashing waves and cleansing energy of the super full moon on this breezy beautiful day.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Reboot and Raw

Everglades take me away...

A few days roaming around and feeling free. Back to reality and the drunks of Fantasy Fest wiped it all away.

Feeling extremely raw and exposed right now. 

I was told October would be a difficult month. Like crawling out of a hole and being re-birthed. Well...here we are.

One thing is for sure. I don't like drunks.

Two encounters at work on Friday night were enough for me. It normally doesn't bug me so much but I'm wondering if something big, rooted from a long time ago is being released. If so, may it happen soon.

Tears. 

Hugs from my male co-workers telling me its going to be ok. And those people can go fuck themselves. I apologize to one guy for the tears cause as I explain, once they start I can't stop them. 

Don't apologize for feeling he tells me. You feel things. That's good.

I'm in shock that someone can explain what those tears are. A bubbling up of feeling from the last pressure cooker months finally being released in a very public way.

I also discover that men can't handle tears and will do anything to stop them. In between the hugs, we open a bottle of good wine and I get an offer to go make out with a playful tap on the ass that makes me laugh and hug harder. You gotta love working with a bunch of dudes.

So maybe we should put a crying woman in front of people waging wars. Or male politicians. Things might get done.

Why do people think drinking is the only way to let go? And why are they so awful to everyone around them when they do it?

All I see are shells of people when they are like this. Hungry ghosts. Trying to devour anything to make them whole again. Destroying everything in their path and feeling good about it.

I'm sick of Key West being a dumping ground for the emotionally retarded. All the beauty that is Key West is marred by this kind of tourism.

I hate fantasy fest. Next year I will not be here for it. Maybe not at all...


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Walking on the Moon




I swear to god. Salt water cures all.

Reaaaaallly needed a day off but did have a great conversation at work with a tattooed couple from up east last night. 

They liked ghost hunting, dive bars and history so we had a lot to talk about. Gave them a bunch of places to check out here and got to reminisce about NYC.

A great morning and day at the beach. The water was so perfectly clear, so beautiful I had to capture it. Decided to throw myself into the shot and try a new filter. 

Gotta love the random selfie. Screw those selfie sticks, I used a rock.

Thought it had taken when I spun around and got the front captured instead of the back.

Love it even more.



Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Two Things

One.
I sold another painting today. One of my new faves.

Two.
Had a good time at work last night. Picking out food and wine for people is really fun. I chose a whole meal for a group of four and they loved it.

Also had a nice couple I had waited on before who was in a rush to get their check so they could go to the movies. After asking which one and finding out the new Steve Jobs movie, I got the strangest response to my next question.

"Have you read his biography?"

"I'm Republican." 

"So, you don't read?" 

His wife started cracking up and I got a nodding defeat "You got me on that one. That was good. That was good."

I had no idea Republicans didn't like Steve Jobs. Or Apple products. Abortions yes. Apple no.

And as a bonus, the table next to them complimented me on the smoothest kneecapping ever. #scoreonefortheliberals






Monday, October 5, 2015

Home is Where the Heart is

sanc·tu·ar·y
1. a place of refuge or safety
2. a nature reserve




September has been a doozy. 

A lot of stuff crammed into one action packed month and you know what? I'm calm. I feel good.

Let's start with the worst.

Two people at work had physical accidents. One was airlifted to Miami after getting hit by a drunk driver on his way home from work. The guy didn't have a license and ran over him going 35 mph at a stoplight leaving him to get stitches through his face.

We all stepped up to fill in the holes until we could figure out what was going on. This was during the busiest month of the year at the restaurant. 

We got him back and another girl took her birthday off, hit a curb on her bike sending her flying over the handlebars. She hit the graveyard fence and broke her face in 4 places. Wired shut for 4-6 weeks. 

p.s. how frightening to hit a graveyard fence and break your face on your birthday?

In between that the staff has been shuffled every which way. We had one guy leave the country to renew his passport and they don't move so fast over there so he's been gone for 2 months. Everyone's fried and needs a break.

Top that off, a lovely woman who I met last month as she cleaned my teeth got mowed down while walking on the bike path near the water. Another woman who was not of sound mind decided she needed to run her down and it traumatized everyone on the island. Two bikers saw it all happen and stopped her before she ran off. 

Can you really run off and hide on an island? No. 

The energy has been intense to say the least. You can feel it everywhere. I've watched it bubble up through the grates at night on the way home as tidal water surges in and up through the streets.

So....in between all that, I had this condo thing. It taught me a lot. Actually several things in September did. 

As you might remember, my psychic friend told me that September/October would be a test of sorts. I thought it was going to be relationships which typically has been a sore spot for me in the fall. I had no idea that can take oh so many forms. 

The test was the last step in making my exit from this cycle of the last 10 years or so. I believe I have passed.

The up down condo cycle included my dad fighting the mortgage company and me racing to be with or without a home. This included my apartment.

Key West is notoriously known for its affordable housing shortage. I have a really nice apartment that I love so the up and down cycle of this approval process was unsettling. Especially cause I consider home to be my sanctuary.

I tried to nail down the yes or no answer but had to be ok with it not happening the way I thought it would. Over and over and over.

As I watched the time dwindle on renewal deadline of my lease, I had to be very clear about what I needed to make the house approval go through. Asking for what I wanted and letting go.

That included telling my landlord what was going on and being ok with him not giving me any flexibility. He did thank god and I believe we actually have come to a better place of communicating which has not been our strong suit. 

I told him I was trying for an investment in my future and could he please give me a bit more time to see this through?

He offered recommendations for it and told me he would hate to lose me but was happy I was going for it. He gave me an extension too.

Conversations with Dad on him not wanting to release any information for the downpayment gift he was helping me with. And getting clear on what they were asking for on a daily basis.

I nearly had a panic attack at work one night when I saw what they wanted from him. And what I had to ask him for. 

We continually talked and I finally told him I don't want you to do something you don't want to do. It actually made me sick to my stomach thinking about him having to do it. I don't want a place that badly I told him. 

I was fine with whatever he decided. I just needed to know by a certain date so I could renew my lease if it didn't go through.

Managing the approval process and trying to stay on target. Realizing the place was so perfect for me but the building truly was underinsured. I could get it, but it might not be a good thing for me with every passing storm in the Atlantic. 

Some days I desperately wanted it so I could make a permanent home and thought it was the solution to all my housing problems. Other days I wanted to be released from it so I could just move on. I had been in a holding pattern all summer for this place. No travel. Not much painting. I wanted to live in the now and be free.

It churned and turned everyday. I gave it up after my father didn't want to release certain information. Only to have it be revived within two hours and concessions made to make it happen.

Originally I thought this was the answer. This condo was what was going to finally root me.  It was a shining reward and confirmation that I was meant to be here. This was home and would always be. 

I went to the beach on days I felt spun out. Ironically the up/down - will it work won't it work was a very familiar energy I had been tortured by in the past. 

In relationships...

In the past, I had pushed to get what I wanted. Made concessions to feel like I was on stable ground with whomever I was with. What I thought I needed, eventually didn't work even with those concessions. And fell apart.

This time, no push. What was meant to be would be. I gave what I could and if it was not enough to hold it, it was ok. I was ok.

I didn't need something to root me. I'm rooted where ever I am. Tadasana pose - the mountain rooting in all four corners of your feet. Rooting in with each step.

I went to yoga, breathed, painted. Tried to just work through it. Allow it the space to develop the way it should.

All the work stuff, not having traveled anywhere, going back and forth with my dad and the mortgage guy, feeling on hold started to take a toll. It was like being churned everyday for a good two to three months. All in efforts to say I'm rooted.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop at all times. I was ready for it to end.

Time was running out. I decided to take a float and when looking for some Bali necklaces to put on that make me feel good. A ring appeared.

It was a ring from my grandmother that I thought I had lost and it was suddenly was staring me in the face. 

There she was...

I took her with me to the beach. Put her in my pocket and feeling better she was around. I got in the water and started to cry.

Is this place worth this? The unsettling feeling isn't me and I'm tired of trying to make this place work. It shouldn't be such a struggle.

As I'm thinking this, a seagull drops to the shoreline with a fish he's caught. The fish flops about trying to break free. He's so close to the water that when the gull flips him around to start eating it, I get disconcerted. I get up and try to scare the gull away so he'll drop it, leave and I can put it back in the ocean.

Not so fast! As the gull flies a bit more out of my reach. I watch the fish struggle and get more upset get out of the water to walk over once more, but the gull swallows him whole. One gulp.

Gone. Done. It's over. 

I think of the fish and wish I could have done more to free him. I think of that consuming and feel like the fish. Being consumed by this. All this stuff. For what? To feel defined, to have something to make me feel rooted? To feel validated?

I go back to float when another bird and another fish appear. Same struggle. Same outcome. I'm officially horrified.

Its like watching myself in another form and feeling swallowed whole. Churned up in the belly of a gull.

In the water, I ask my grandmother and other spirits to release me from what does not serve me. I feel that help, that clarity is coming. 

Laying on the beach I do what I've been doing to open my crown resting one hand on my heart and one hand below my belly button. Breathing in and out. Releasing what needs to be recycled into the earth and drawing in through the top from my spirit.

The answer was clear. 

At home I see another email in a string from what my father has dictated he is willing to do. I give him a call and tell him to refuse to gift me. I want to be done. 

He starts to argue about what a crook the mortgage guy is and how he wants to do this for me but he doesn't trust him. 

I tell him I know he wants to help but not this way. It isn't right. I love where I'm at and can wait till the right way appears. So refuse the gift to me and this can end. I need it to end. I need to move on.

He agrees and I tell the mortgage guy. He starts to dangle it in my face telling me how close this is. He rips on my father and his unwillingness to help me. Its not true.

I tell him its over. It won't be happening and thank you for all his help. I truly appreciate all he has done.

I sign my lease and discuss the improvements I'd like to see next time my landlord is in town. He's working on a few things of his own to make it a nicer place to live.

The finality of it starts to release and the spins come on. Come on strong. I can't get comfortable all night until I lay in bed, eyes closed, hand on heart and belly breathing. Telling myself, let it go. Just let it go. 

And fall asleep so soundly. Wake up so clear, it was if all that stuff never happened.

I start to ingrain myself further with my work family and yoga family. Realizing I won't get swallowed whole if I am there fully. I can be with people and not get swallowed whole. I choose to be present. I commit more in my relationships, family, work, art, writing and feel rooted. 

But most of all I realize that I don't need anything. I have it all already. 

Its not a place. Its not a person. Its not a job. I don't need anything externally to solidify who I am. 

It lives in my heart expanding and growing everyday. With me always.  

Ok, I think I've got it now. Let's go...Let's begin.










Thursday, October 1, 2015

September is over!

What a crazy month and yesterday was the topper. 

Got to finish it off with the end of a locals special, some laughs at work and an amazing couple bottles of wine to celebrate.

While cleaning up outside of the restaurant, I found an open bike lock in my bike basket. I've been so pre-occupied I freaked thinking I left my lock off my bike at first.

As I picked it up I noticed it had letters instead of numbers which I commented on and handed it off to a co-worker asking him if he needed a lock.

Guess he played around with it for a bit cause suddenly I heard from the other room a scream with: "Hey!! Chris figured out the password to open the lock!"

That password was TWAT.

Fast forward to everyone laughing, us deciding to give the lock to a returning co-worker as a "welcome home" gift. 

And our Russian co-worker asking in his best serious voice..."What is twat?"

This is the best description of why I enjoy working in a restaurant.


Sunday, September 27, 2015

Rain Frog




Reading, listening to the rain and painting frog.

Had a great yoga practice this morning too with the new teacher / shaman at the studio.

Happy Full Moon. Happy Lunar Eclipse.

Time to shake the leaves...

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Riding the waves









As I ride the waves of final approval, I watch the condo die only to be resurrected a mere 2 hours later.

I want clarity. I want finality. I can't get either. 

I also decide to email my landlord cause I'm tired of playing chicken with my lease renewal. Let him know what's up and he's really good about it which I was not expecting.

So ready for this to be done... Its like a relationship that you keep going back into to see if it'll work this way. Or that way. Or this way. Or maybe that way.

How do people do this multiple times??? I guess it gets easier. Buying a house is a rollercoaster of paperwork and emotions. 

So I look at clouds... Big fluffy clouds.

And go for floats in the ocean to calm my nerves. Home is an important sanctuary for me. I like to know where I'm rooted.

Starting to realize home is really no place in particular. Its just you. So either way, it'll all work out the way its supposed to.


Thursday, September 17, 2015

Don't Push

Found this gem written on the yoga studio door today:

"Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand - relax.
If you relax it comes, if you relax it is there. 
If you relax, you start vibrating with it."

- Osho


We find what we are looking for in the perfect moment, no?

A little rain shower and impromptu Indian lunch with my fave yogis too. And coffee. Just what I needed to push through the next two shifts.






Tuesday, September 15, 2015

I am...


I am the frog king.

Made me laugh out loud after I finished drawing it

Ribbit! Ribbit!

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Just Say No


Buttered popcorn at the movies is never a good idea. Especially when you realize the strange look Judy Blume gave you while exiting the theater was the stain left on your dress from devouring the bag.

#impressingbelovedchildhoodauthorfail

Condo under contract again. Decided to pass by it to see what the dusk light looked like in the hood. Not too shabby. Enjoyed the pink purple clouds along the way.

Bike commute time to theater is also acceptable.

Happy Sunday...

Saturday, September 5, 2015

The Final Countdown

And, Here comes the condo again...

The final round! For reals!

My real estate guy asked me to call this dude after the last no. The only reason I called was cause I love my real estate guy and thought if he had a contact the least I could do was call.

I now have a hybrid of mortgage broker that contains the trustworthy banker combined with the speed of "smoke and mirrors". 

One lengthy phone conversation on my bike to the beach and I was able to get all the info I needed and felt I could trust him. 

Got to also tell him exactly what I was looking for which I had no clue when I started this whole thing. "Loan Speed Dating 101 - What have we learned so far?" is in full effect.

I've tried to give it up three times now. Someone reaaaally wants me to get this. Wonder if its Grandma? Does she want to swim in my pool???

Stay tuned...Another signed contract. 

In the meantime I will go out for bubbles dreaming of HGTV.

And a pug in a taco suit.



The symbol of victory!



Friday, September 4, 2015

Feelin' Grateful


Man. When I crash, I crash.

Ever feel like you are moving something out of your body when you get sick? That's what it felt like and rest was the only remedy.

Lost my voice for about three days too. That happens a lot for me when something big is shifting but feel so much better. Clear.

And feeling really grateful. 

Grateful not to be sick anymore and back at yoga again. I realize I can't really sit still for more than a week. Movement is what I crave in all forms.

Grateful to get back in the water for a swim and meet up with my beach buddies. One even asked if I'd like to learn how to sail! Didn't know how much I missed boat life until she talked about working some sunset sails. I just might get another boat gig. I love that I'm picking jobs now based on personal interest and wanting to learn something new.

Grateful for my job and work families. We had someone get run over on a scooter and everyone has stepped up to help without even asking. In the restaurant world this kind of healthy work environment...is rare. Who am I kidding, any type of work environment.

Grateful for European holiday ending. After a rash of high maintenance, chain smoking, non-tipping Europeans last week. Local special is in full effect and I've never been so happy to see people who live here at the restaurant.

Grateful to not be afraid to show my art. Sold a couple more pieces to an art consultant at Wyland and fellow yogi I love. Didn't blink an eye when someone asked for a piece to auction off at a fundraiser. It used to take a long time to build up courage just to show someone my art.

Grateful for my home. Got a new neighbor and even though he scared the crap out of me introducing himself while asking to share my wi-fi - he's super quiet. The last one had a cute grandkid that liked to scream for hours on end. Most days it sounded like a cat getting skinned beneath me.

Grateful for letting go. 

This one I'm realizing has sunk in well. The day after I decided to let the condo go, it reappeared just as I was cashing my escrow check. 

The lady who owned it was upping the insurance to fix the problem I had with the bank. Did I still want to buy?

I at first got frustrated. Why can't it just go??? I don't want to get my hopes up again and see them crash. AGAIN.

It seems another round has been added. Talking to banks again but its truly out of my hands as the insurance was upped and needs to be reassessed. And there is a little release in that.

Just got the first feedback which was again, NO. There might be other options cause my real estate agent wants me to buy but I'm trusting that all will work out the right way. But I'm fine. and calm.

If its meant to be, its meant to be. 

And if its not, something else better is out there for me to find. As I've seen over the last 10 years down here, when things don't work out the way you think - its a blessing. And something new appears that you could have never imagined fit you so right.

I actually believe this too. No pushing. No pining away for something I can't have. I'm ready to move on cause there's a plan.

A perfect plan I know will just unfold as I stay present. How many years have I been saying this? But it actually is being felt and trusted for what might be the first time.

Guess we all need a couple rounds to figure stuff out. Energetically they say when your vibration rises whatever is lurking in your system that is lower will get expelled out.

I'd like to think that all that snot and phlegm last weekend was a goodbye of sorts. 

Looking forward into the new season and seeing what develops. 



Saturday, August 22, 2015

Not Good Enough.

Well, the condo is no more...Funny how things roll in and out so quickly. I'm bummed but know it was the right decision. 

Loved the space. It was perfect and exactly what I wanted in the neighborhood I've always wanted to live in.

Started imagining my life in it. The pug I was going to finally get. What I would buy, how I come home after work for night swims. #yay. Hanging out with my friends who lived right across the street. 

Yup, had been getting real excited about the move in when I got the call. 

The bank couldn't approve the loan. 

"I guess this is an I told you so moment" my loan officer said. 

We had a big "come to Jesus" conversation with me telling him that the other broker said he wouldn't make it happen and I guess that has come to fruition. Even though he promised it would. "I'm sorry...you were right."

Getting the call right before I had to go into work and in normal fashion I was starting to lose my voice from a cold that's been passed around at the restaurant lately. I was oddly calm. 

The next day I talked to some peeps and gathered my options before my voice pooped out. It wasn't hard to know the right choice.

The problem wasn't me or my finances. I was in fact a prime candidate to buy. 

But the building didn't hold enough insurance and that was where the gig was up. 

The bank refused to take the risk that the other tenants would be able to rebuild the building if it didn't get wiped off the face of the earth. (Yes, you need to factor apocalyptic weather into the purchase of a property in Florida)

I reached out to people I know who have properties down here to find out if this was a standard insurance policy. Is Florida is just crazy about their insurance policies?

Talked to two more banks when I realized if its this hard for me to buy, it its going to be equally hard to sell it and that was that.

I am a good candidate. I have a lot to offer and feel the same should be given to me. 

I was now forced into a position of fear of losing something I had longed for or seeing the reality and having to wrap myself into something I didn't want to do just so I could get it.

So, I chose to let it go. 

This has been a long standing issue for me. Knowing my worth and moving from that place of knowing instead of a place of fear. I think I finally know it. 

The crazy stress of getting a house had me remembering to trust. Trust that everything is happening right. Trust that there is something guiding me to the place I need to be. Just let go and trust. What is meant to be will be.

I was saying "trust" to myself whenever I'd start fearing and it relaxed me. Even thought it would have been great, I won't sacrifice myself to fit into a place I know isn't good for me. And that is probably the greatest gift. Seeing that self worth has finally taken hold. It feels good.

This one astrologer writes a great column every week and here's what she wrote for the day I let the condo go:

Moon is in Scorpio and goes void square to Sun. Today is the Final exam! Sun squares Saturn, Moon and Admetos. Sun’s light in Leo is the brightest it can be! Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are at the warmest time. It challenges the darkness of Saturn in Scorpio’s swamp and THE SUN WINS!!! THE SUN IS BIGGER, BRIGHTER AND BOLDER THAN SATURN. SATURN REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN, not the other way around. Let your sun shine in! Allow the last few years of Saturn rolling through the swamp of your life to go. You can just let them go. Yes, it is that easy. The Sun is shining in. Or it wants to. Venus works with Pluto to invite a different vision of what is possible in your life. Why can’t that happen? Move toward it with an open heart. Open up your heart and let the sun shine in. Venus works with Uranus and breaks free of her restrictions (part two). Sun’s sesquiquadrate to Pluto invites a letting go energy. Mercury’s aspect to Eris can be envy filled or tired of dealing with the envy and difficulties. Take action in the direction of your stress. Move to clear it and release it. There is very serious ending energy today ~ ending 2 ½ years, 29 years or maybe even your life… time to move towards the light! Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Hands off. Let go. Back away. Move towards your life and your light!



So back to my much loved life which has felt on hold in order to be available signatures and paperwork shuffling. 

Including curling up today with a good book and some movies to help recuperate my throat.

I have been educated on what it takes to get a house bought and on the fly negotiations. It'll come in handy again for sure.

Next!