"to be free means to be free to satisfy one's preferences. preferences themselves are beyond rational scrutiny; they express the authentic core of a self whose freedom is realized when there are no encumbrances to its preference satisfying behavior"
- Matthew B Crawford - the world beyond your head
So I haven't been writing much these days.
A funny thing happened with the mural. A quick weekend or two in Miami with artsy friends was a realization of the life I've always had in front of me... but denied it.
Denied it because I didn't think I could make a living at it. Denied it because I needed something "more solid". Denied it because I was afraid to be seen.
But its been there the whole time, ever since I was a little kid and it makes me happier than I ever realized.
Have you ever thought about what makes you truly happy? The one thing that you want to do without any limits, expectations or worry about failure?
I'm most alive when I'm exploring and creating. And why can't life be exactly that? I mean, who cares what kind of job you have as long as you have time for what you love. Time for what brings you to life.
I liken this realization to a slow moving car crash.
You brace for the impact, holding on for dear life, tensing up with each tick-ing movement. Then when you hit, a release.
It wasn't so scary after all. It was the bracing, the holding back that took all your energy and effort for an outcome that was going to happen no matter what.
I've been in Key West for about 11 years. In that time, I started out marketing artists. Writing about them, discovering how they became. In a way, I think it was to help me figure out my stuff and feeling a part of art without the fear of rejection.
I dabbled in it myself. Had big plans, marketing and selling. But the work couldn't flow. After those Wynwood weekends I found myself really enjoying just doing the work. Not worried about the outcome but more curious of how it would turn out. Or what turn it would take.
So much JOY.
Add to that some great conversations and laughs with other people that like to do weird things. I came home thinking I don't care how much I make, or if I even become successful; I just want to keep doing THIS.
This is the life for me even with its uncertainty. And it was acceptance that made it break open and flood in.
All I want to do these days is paint, draw, put weird images on board.
I can't stop the images from coming. Yoga has even taken a back seat to it a bit but I still find time to stand on my head (cause it feels good).
Life feels brighter. Even on tough days at work I look around and feel really grateful for what I have.
Getting ready to take another big trip too. The Greek yoga retreat that was born out of a night in a basement Hong Kong Irish Bar with two yoga teachers doing shots is happening.
The retreat should be amazing but I'm also going to see my Tio Luis who's not doing so well these days and am most excited about this. He's 99.
Spain was my first big trip to break open that artsy part and I'm going back to say thank you and see him one last time. Even found a little surf house to stay at not too far from the farm.
Throw in some Barcelona time, a day in Italy, Germany and its on.
For now, its painting, figuring out how to pack a backpack for the trip, getting back to the yoga studio, updating and upgrading my phone for better travel pics and getting excited for more images to come.
Even time to hop a Greyhound to see my friend Toni in Key Largo for a weekend. Adventures in life in every form!
Gotta kill that curiosity one weird adventure at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment