Saturday, August 22, 2015

Not Good Enough.

Well, the condo is no more...Funny how things roll in and out so quickly. I'm bummed but know it was the right decision. 

Loved the space. It was perfect and exactly what I wanted in the neighborhood I've always wanted to live in.

Started imagining my life in it. The pug I was going to finally get. What I would buy, how I come home after work for night swims. #yay. Hanging out with my friends who lived right across the street. 

Yup, had been getting real excited about the move in when I got the call. 

The bank couldn't approve the loan. 

"I guess this is an I told you so moment" my loan officer said. 

We had a big "come to Jesus" conversation with me telling him that the other broker said he wouldn't make it happen and I guess that has come to fruition. Even though he promised it would. "I'm were right."

Getting the call right before I had to go into work and in normal fashion I was starting to lose my voice from a cold that's been passed around at the restaurant lately. I was oddly calm. 

The next day I talked to some peeps and gathered my options before my voice pooped out. It wasn't hard to know the right choice.

The problem wasn't me or my finances. I was in fact a prime candidate to buy. 

But the building didn't hold enough insurance and that was where the gig was up. 

The bank refused to take the risk that the other tenants would be able to rebuild the building if it didn't get wiped off the face of the earth. (Yes, you need to factor apocalyptic weather into the purchase of a property in Florida)

I reached out to people I know who have properties down here to find out if this was a standard insurance policy. Is Florida is just crazy about their insurance policies?

Talked to two more banks when I realized if its this hard for me to buy, it its going to be equally hard to sell it and that was that.

I am a good candidate. I have a lot to offer and feel the same should be given to me. 

I was now forced into a position of fear of losing something I had longed for or seeing the reality and having to wrap myself into something I didn't want to do just so I could get it.

So, I chose to let it go. 

This has been a long standing issue for me. Knowing my worth and moving from that place of knowing instead of a place of fear. I think I finally know it. 

The crazy stress of getting a house had me remembering to trust. Trust that everything is happening right. Trust that there is something guiding me to the place I need to be. Just let go and trust. What is meant to be will be.

I was saying "trust" to myself whenever I'd start fearing and it relaxed me. Even thought it would have been great, I won't sacrifice myself to fit into a place I know isn't good for me. And that is probably the greatest gift. Seeing that self worth has finally taken hold. It feels good.

This one astrologer writes a great column every week and here's what she wrote for the day I let the condo go:

Moon is in Scorpio and goes void square to Sun. Today is the Final exam! Sun squares Saturn, Moon and Admetos. Sun’s light in Leo is the brightest it can be! Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are at the warmest time. It challenges the darkness of Saturn in Scorpio’s swamp and THE SUN WINS!!! THE SUN IS BIGGER, BRIGHTER AND BOLDER THAN SATURN. SATURN REVOLVES AROUND THE SUN, not the other way around. Let your sun shine in! Allow the last few years of Saturn rolling through the swamp of your life to go. You can just let them go. Yes, it is that easy. The Sun is shining in. Or it wants to. Venus works with Pluto to invite a different vision of what is possible in your life. Why can’t that happen? Move toward it with an open heart. Open up your heart and let the sun shine in. Venus works with Uranus and breaks free of her restrictions (part two). Sun’s sesquiquadrate to Pluto invites a letting go energy. Mercury’s aspect to Eris can be envy filled or tired of dealing with the envy and difficulties. Take action in the direction of your stress. Move to clear it and release it. There is very serious ending energy today ~ ending 2 ½ years, 29 years or maybe even your life… time to move towards the light! Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Hands off. Let go. Back away. Move towards your life and your light!

So back to my much loved life which has felt on hold in order to be available signatures and paperwork shuffling. 

Including curling up today with a good book and some movies to help recuperate my throat.

I have been educated on what it takes to get a house bought and on the fly negotiations. It'll come in handy again for sure.


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