Solar Power HOOOOOOOO!!

I have been dreaming of solar powered houses since the second grade science fair. Built one of those suckers with bendy straws and wanted one so badly. No one at the fair seemed to be too wowed by it.

Been waiting for it to happen and it looks like it might finally be time.

While researching some alternative energy mutual funds for my 2014 IRA contribution I came across one on solar I really liked. Then I saw this article.

Perfect timing! Now I just have to find that marijuana growing mutual fund and I'll be set for 2014.

When I went home this February I made an appointment to sit down with my ghost of a financial investment advisor. 

I had my account bounce around during the bank mergers of 2008, 2009, 2010 and 2011 and finally landed with this older stately dude whom I had never met. 

I wanted to scout him out and figure out if I could work with him so I set up a face to face. He was great to talk to and we had a nice chat which included me showing him funds I liked on my iPhone and asking him what he thought about them.  

Finally starting to take control of my retirement investments again and am finding its a lot of fun. 

After our meeting and agreeing to throw some cash for 2013 he asked me "What do you do again?"

"Oh, I give paddle board tours and wait tables at night."

"Huh." He said with a surprised look. Then we talked about kitesurfing and paddle boarding while sharing a cup o joe. 

A Good Weekend

A good couple of days off. Don't you love it when that happens?  

Went to the Tropic and caught a great movie last night about a secret street photographer who was made famous after her death by a man who bought a trunk of her negatives at an auction. 

Finding Vivian Maier.

Followed that up today with a yoga class on Energy Fields and Shamanic Cord Cutting taught by a tattoo artist who has studied with Peruvian shamans.

Getting my fix on all things odd and exciting.

Sometimes I really love this town...

Hoppy Easter!!

High five Jesus! 

Lots 'o interesting responses when you run a Jesus kite down the beach. 

In a town that lets it all hang out, somehow a Jesus kite is deemed distasteful. But they don't know, how fun it is to fly Jesus. 

Best. Kite. Ever. 

A gift from my bestie from Catholic school. It has officially become my favorite springtime ritual. 

Strength and Beauty

I sit down in the sand and let the waves crash into me like a crescendo. Each wave I feel myself sinking into the sand a bit more as I look at the rocks around me and grab one nearby. To my surprise, I flip the rock over and a beautiful shell is attached.

The color is vibrant. The lines intricate and beautiful. I can't believe what kind of beauty can turn up under a rock. I rub my fingers over and around several times then find a resting place for my thumb which seems like such a natural place for it to be. I close my hands around the rock and it is like a security blanket I never want to let go of. And all I feel at this moment with waves continuing to crash... is happy.

I think back to Sedona and the man who gave me a red stone heart on a special hike. He had told me to hold onto it and hold it close when things got tough. I think of that rock and this one and the feeling is similar but different.

I'm not in a state of running away, running to something or someone. I just am.

As I examine it closely I follow the lines, the curves, the color. How its melded so perfectly with the rock and I think - strength and beauty together as one. How perfect.

I've had to look at things differently this week. An eye allergy finally got me to go see the eye doctor. I woke up one morning wondering if I had taken my contacts out the night before. Was so tired that I thought I had left one in and proceeded to prod my eye thinking I'd find it. How could I not know if they were out?  Was I that out of it? That space/time thing is happening again as I woke yesterday wondering where I was and then trying to figure out which job I needed to be at. 

Its such an odd feeling but comforting to not be stuck in time. Sometimes I wonder if I travel too far when I sleep.

"You'll have to wear your glasses for a week and use drops" the doctor told me. I freak out aloud.

"But what about paddle boarding tours, yoga, painting and the restaurant??" I ask worried.

"Just exactly how many jobs DO you have?" she says.

So I get her to agree to knock a weeks worth of time into four days. I begrudgingly put on my glasses and leave the doctors office with sunlight streaming into my unsunglassed eyes. My sense of space is now really off and I almost hit a pole riding my bike out of the doctors office. Crap.

I feel like I'm on some kind of ride with the glasses. Things move, I have to adjust whipping my head around to dart across streets or just walking straight. Ugh. I feel vulnerable. 

I give up and go with it.

As I walk into the restaurant, most of the guys seem surprised and just widen their eyes and go "Glasses?" Yup, I've worn them since the fourth grade but I usually just save it for home or when my eyes feel like they're going to fall out of my skull from too much use. 

"Hmmmm. You look... interesting." 

I get this comment from my coffee guy at Sandy's and a co-worker. 

Ok. 

I feel like another person with the glasses on. I guess I thought I would have hid behind them more but something different happens. The inside comes out.

My inner nerd is now on display. It feels like how I think and process things internally can now be seen on my face. I get a long look in the eyes from many different men I know that night and during these past four days. 

Sometimes I feel like they are looking into my soul and I just stare back wondering what they are thinking. There is a vulnerability in those stares that I find charming. Much more charming than if I wore a tight dress showing off my ass. I'd rather wear glasses to get a mans attention.

How can they look at me this differently with just glasses? Why don't I get that look without them? I wonder.

I start to enjoy the glasses. Feel more open with them on and notice how many people actually wear them too. As I approach glass wearing tables, I feel like saying "Hey! I've got glasses too!" 

I realize its kinda like a bro-nod when we stare at each other through these optics and silently say "What's up, yo?". I feel a comradery saluting their inner nerd with my inner nerd. It feels kinda awesome. 

I try yoga without them. I have to really focus and listen since I can't see much and wonder if people think I'm staring like a psycho at them. When in reality I'm just trying to focus on one non-moving blob so I can find balance to do different poses. Doing a headstand without vision is kinda wobbly.

Swimming is a whole other carnival ride as my balance is already off and bobbing in the blurry water must feel like what it is to be a fetus. I get out of the water feeling motion sick but have a fellow beach goer point out some dolphins swimming near shore. I slap those puppies back on my face and enjoy.

Kayak tour and its time to brave it in the water and hope they don't fall off. Will I be able to find things to pick up? Will they think I need to be smarter with the glasses and my random "scientific" commentary will be found out as a load of bullshit?

Also have to mentally remember I don't have sunglasses on and I cannot do my early morning eye-roll when someone makes an idiot out of themselves. Um, yeah they can see that. Crap, no hiding behind the screen. Vulnerability again.

And then finally back to the doctor. I need to take care of my eyes better - give them a rest from time to time. Maybe get some new glasses so I can salute my inner nerd more often and give those peepers a break. Kinda like that idea and already start scouting out new frames to celebrate.

The doctor asks me if I want to leave with contacts in. I shake my head with my mouth open like a begging dog. I like the glasses but want more mobility back especially in yoga class. She plops them in and suggests I get some additional over the counter drops for more eye soothing maintenance.

As I go into the store, I raise my sunglasses off my face and feel exposed again. Like the first time I put on my glasses outside. 

I get a stare. Its the stare I was getting all week but without those spectacles and am a bit surprised. 

Huh, maybe I never noticed it before. 

Cleaning House

Its been all about cleaning house lately. 

A checklist of sorts to clear the decks, get things in order and go full steam ahead. 

Passing online Utah driving school to get rid of my pesky road trip ticket - check.

Filing my taxes and calculating my quarterly amounts to pay as I go. - check.

Getting into a confrontation with a co-worker while speaking the plain truth about his ongoing shitty behavior. Him flipping out to the point of quitting or getting fired within a day. And having another co-worker thank me for it. - check.

Buying a couple more pairs of yoga hot pants including one pair that has two unicorn heads coming out of my legs on the back - check.

Is it time to go to Bali yet?

EMERGE

The yoga teacher asked us to set an intention for the new year as we all closed our eyes together. One word popped up immediately and an image. 

I flashed back to a drawing I had to do for a high school art class. It was a word with little lines forming solid visible letters: EMERGE.

108 sun salutation may not sound fun but during it I felt like I was spreading my wings flying each time we raised up. 

The artisan market was an interesting set of events. Started as a wild hair up my ass to shake things up. I had just talked to a friend who had made a recent leap out of her old circumstances. She let go and in putting out there what she wanted, she received it. 

I was jealous. I stared at my artwork thinking it had been caged up too long. I longed for the leap and the consequent shake up I needed to break through. So I applied for a space, set in motion the necessary items I'd need to sell and in the process sold a piece that very same day. Whoa. You really do get what you want when you put it out there.

Gave myself enough time I thought to create a decent body of work to sell and pull together before March 30th. Until I caught some kind of flu. 

I struggled to work, create and rest. I wanted to rest more often than not and was getting frustrated at not being able to push myself farther. I finally gave in and listened to my body what it needed. My work is good enough. 

I had to let go of my expectations and just be with it. I was enough.

Tried to figure out a configuration to take so I could display my work. It came down to my desk and little green patio set. I have nowhere to store an extra table or setting in my apartment so it was perfect, it was totally me.

In the past, I would have built this event up to be the final marker of what my art should be. Success? Failure? A life tied to slinging plates and paddling tourists for all times? Instead what I realized is this is just a part of me. One piece of a whole lot more.

One that I haven't shared with many people. It was time to come out of the Artist closet. What better way to do it than in front of the whole town. Everyone I knew and had probably waited on at some time or another.

I got accepted into the event. I wasn't sure that was even going to happen after sending in the application. They had a lot of interest now it being a successful event. But even knowing that, I thought if I get in great - if not, its not like I'm going to stop doing what I'm doing. So what.

I did and I went. Got great feedback. People really liked my stuff. Were really surprised I did what I did. 

I brought both paintings and photos. When they looked at the paintings they were shocked, then they saw the photos and said "You did this too??" 

That felt good.

I sold a few pieces. Not much but a little. Was happy to get through the event and had a good time doing it with my friends. Not as scared as I thought I would be which was nice. 

A couple of my respected peers wondered how I was doing at the event as they shared how they also found standing with their own work to be really tough. That was comforting. 

But its me. Always has been and always will be. 

A couple of NYC friends from my advertising days came in the week before this event. I originally thought it was bad timing cause I had so much to do but still wanted to see them. They are both at the top of their games in their respective careers. They had lots of questions for me.

Basically what do you do? How I live? What I've been up to all these years?...I haven't seen them since my disengagement tour 8 or so years ago which was a lively road trip after a failed long term relationship and final implosion of a life I couldn't be a part of anymore. I had no idea what was next but knew it had to be better than what I had. 

I had questions for them too. "Was it any better at the top?" Something I had wondered while leaving the ad business.

Not really. "Pretty much the same thing but now I'm just more accountable for what goes wrong." As they chatted about their work and lives in NYC I saw a familiar expression I felt in the business. Exhaustion. 

My one friend said that she sometimes thought about becoming a florist or a photographer. I encouraged her to do it. She could do it. It was possible. 

I know because I made the jump. I went through the bumps and bruises of letting go of that life which I shared wasn't so easy to let go of at times. Seeing them and hearing their stories made me feel good about those life choices that seemed a bit off at the time. I WAS in the right place. You know how I know?-- I feel at peace for once in my life. Have been feeling a lot of that lately.

And all that anxiety I had when I wasn't in the right place has always been my guide. It led me out and into what I've always been - an Artist. 

Artist can mean many things to people and for me it does too. But above all, it means experiencing life. Going where my curiosities lie and exploring. My life has been richer for it.

I ran into one of my yoga teachers who is an amazing artist this morning in my new yoga hot pants. She waved me down apologizing that she didn't make it to the market. I told her it was fine and that it went well. It was the first time I've done something like this I explained with a grimace. 

"The hardest part is that first showing but afterwards you know its not that scary and that's such a good thing", she said. I agreed and found this to be the most important lesson out of the whole process. She said she never knew I was a photographer but it all made sense when she found out.

"Well, I paint too. My grandmother taught me when I was 3"

"PENNY!!!!! Why haven't you shared this?" 

I know I've been in hiding, but not anymore. 

Wonder what they'll think when they find out I write too.

Calibration

Getting to know the drugstore photo department well this week. How well? Well, after a couple bad rounds of prints I was trouble shooting with the photo guy about maybe needing to re-calibrate his printer. 

Tying up loose ends one day at a time while seeing some old advertising friends from NYC.

Haven't done this many tiles at once and suddenly realize it might be a good idea to wear a mask. 

Oh well, maybe it'll help kill whatever is left of this cold. Time to get some fresh air.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

So Here We Go...

Got accepted into the Artisan Fair yesterday :)