Thursday, March 19, 2009

Act Your Age

Act your age. That's all I can think in this past month or so.
You probably think I'm talking about the 20 somethings that migrate down here this time of year for spring break. Nope, I'm talking about the middle aged adults. I am surrounded by them in my compound and beyond and they're borderline idiots. Think all the people who go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. One night last week I heard a middle-ager brag to a friend over the phone how they got so drunk and watched the Food channel all night long. 

Then of course there was the 2am wake up call from a Fargoesque sounding middle aged Midwestern woman yammering on about something to her equally drunken adult friends. A quick scream of "SHUT THE HELL UP!" cured it.

On the other hand the 20 somethings are a pleasure to around. Some of the most polite, nicest, 20-year olds I have ever met. I was never that polite at their age as I think to myself while being surrounded by them in town. I'm currently meeting more 22 year-old guys than when I was actually a 22 year old myself. They're too frickin' cute. Just like cute little puppies. Chiseled, hairless puppies. 

One came in this week with his parents for dinner. My manager gave me the table since he was good eye candy. "Your future ex-husband at table 12." he said as he directed me to take the table. 

He was a tall drink of water but the thing that stunned me more was how articulate and polite he was. I carded him cause it's that time of year and plus I wanted to see how old he was (22). Afterwards my manager swung by the table fully enjoying the show and said "Don't think you're special cause she cards everyone." 

The polite hunk looked a little disappointed and sheepishly said "Oh, I thought I was lucky." I responded with a flirty "Oh, you are lucky." which got a happy surprised look from him and subsequently a different surprised look from his mom sitting to his left. It took me a split second to gather where I was and what I was doing when I began to reel it in a bit after thinking this was a bad after school special. Hitting on a younger guy with his mom sitting at the table. Nice. Woo Hooo YO, Spring Break '09!!

Next up on Sunday, I was working the snorkel boat for a group of 20 somethings out for the day. Waiting again for the stereotypical yahoo spring breakers, I was surprised at how damn nice they were. They were even free diving and just out enjoying nature. One of the boys was looking for a place to lay down cause he had a "rough night". I told him to make sure he drinks lots of water since being on a boat isn't exactly where you want to be feeling sick. He immediately said "Oh yeah! Thanks!" and guzzled it down like a good boy should. Most adults wave me off when I suggest it and then puke all over the side about 20 minutes later. These kids are freaking me out.
While tying up the boat, I was leaning over the front trying to hook the mooring line. There's no bar to protect me from falling in but it's pretty easy. I started to lean over to reach down when I caught one of the boys running over to grab the back of my shirt. He looked a little freaked out and then I realized, he was worried I was about to fall in and was trying to keep it from happening. He kept holding onto my shirt until, I turned back, smiled and told him I was ok. TOO CUTE. Seriously.
Talked to one of them on the way back and he asked me where to go in town and if I'd be out later. While these boys are real cutie patooties, I have lived my 20's and don't feel the need to go back there. I find myself thinking of the partying middle aged adults who are acting exactly like I would expect the 20 somethings to. 

Drinking all day, stumbling down streets, and hysterically crying about the AIG implosion like it was a bad breakup. All this done in their way too tight halter tops showing off the 20 something perky made fake boobs. It's pathetic.

I watched Superbad the other night. I haven't seen it since I saw in the theater a couple of years ago and it made me laugh so hard I was snorting. That was my spring break experience. The stupid situations you get yourself into to trying to get your hands on alcohol but unfortunately minus the McLovin'. 

Panama City was my spring break destination and I got there with a group of friends who crammed themselves into a very small car. We got thrown out of every place down there cause a majority of us didn't have fake ID's and were sneaking in. Had some really strange situations including getting stuck in a once in a lifetime Alabama snowstorm and a whole multitude of good stupid stories. 

Since I was always pretending to be who my ID was, I decided to take it up a notch and start creating different people I could be when I met guys at bars. My favorite one was Darla the New Jersey cosmetology student who's favorite movie was Milo and Otis. "You know, the one about the cat and the dog?" I said in my best New York accent. That's the way it should be in your 20's, you gotta get that shit out of your system otherwise it shows up later.

Which is exactly what I'm seeing with our tourist adults. I'm over it. You can't relive your youth. Deal with it. Stop running around in outfits you shouldn't be wearing drinking yourself into oblivion, it's not attractive in fact it's sad. This whole economic bullshit is because of this very notion - placing all your eggs in one basket and waiting until the end to live your life. Live it now, goddamn it - In the moment. You can't be 25 again you gotta be happy with where you're at now.

On a trip out to Hawaii a couple of years ago, I talked to an old man while I was waiting for the bathroom. He was making his first trip out there and standing in the galley cause he just couldn't sit anymore. He told me he should have done it when he was younger. He had waited till the end of his life to travel like this but now his body couldn't take it. He said "You're smart to do this now. Do it now while you can - don't wait." Let me tell you, it definitely made an impression. I want to do everything I can now. I don't want to wait till the end. Especially seeing the aftereffects of waiting and not being satisfied with the end result. It ain't pretty.

I cruise home after a chill night of work. My aging tourist neighbors are still drinking around the pool which started in earlier this morning. "How was work tonight?" they ask."Slow but that's cool. It's better than dealing with the crazy spring breakers." I replied. They ask me how it has been and I share with them that it's not the 20 year olds who are the obnoxious ones, it's the middle aged adults. They had a look of shock on their faces and one of them said  "Aw, come on!" 

I looked at them seeing what I had been seeing the last two weeks. Smiled, shrugged then took a sip out of my beer bottle while walking back to my cottage.

Come on 20 year olds it's time to unleash your inner McLovin'. You know you want to and it's for your own damn good.

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