Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Two Chuckles

I had two good chuckles this morning. 

Once when I saw your profession listed in the top 10 professions for psychopaths. And another when just a mere hour later, I was witness to another round of your sketchy behavior. 

My, my, my... you're so friendly when you're alone. Wonder why??? Ah, such is life. 

Learned a lot from my time with you. Biggest thing...I deserve waaaaay better. Always have.

The holidays have passed, thank goodness. What a crazy time down here. Is it wrong to excited when people are bumming cause they have to go back to work?

Busy, wonderful ho ho holidays but afterwards, all I wanted to do was sleep for three days. And pretty much did. Holy. Holiday. Exhaustion. It happens every year always quite a ride.

The dreams have been intense and four-parters. The other night I was swimming with a whale and stepping on shells that began closing up on the bottoms of my feet. I woke up actually feeling lots of little shells tickling me which was crazy.

Then last night was having a vegetarian meal with the lead singer of the Revivalists. Right after, I got chased by people with guns trying to hunt me down. All I woke up thinking was Jeez, that dude really liked capers and lentils. A LOT.

The exhaustion has been worth it and perfect timing to go home later this week. Glad to get out of town but not necessarily under the conditions I'd like. Cancer has reared its ugly head a second time for Mom.

The good news - she has great doctors and health care. Not too many people can claim that these days.

The first time she had breast cancer it was awful. On many fronts, just plain awful. This time around, we go into it with eyes wide open and bringing a sense of humor about it cause doom and gloom does no good for anyone. Can cancer be funny? We shall see.

Optimism, hope and love. That's where I'm trying to stay. The Red Tara mantra will help with that. 

The first time, it was such an implosion that got me to finally make some big changes. No more waiting. Was it any surprise that I had a roller coaster emotion scale after hearing about it? A little.

Buried anger bubbling up, crying, excessive bar crawling and of course good ole denial. Perhaps it was stuff that never got fully processed in the first go round. Perhaps it was stuff I wouldn't let myself feel the last time but will now.

Before she got diagnosed I'd been thinking that time is limited. I need to get home. Guess sometimes you just sense it.

I even picked up a book right after about a lady's solo trek along the Pacific Coast trail. Little did I know that it began with her mother dying of cancer and how her life unraveled afterwards. I booked my ticket by the second slobbery chapter.

The last time this happened it was a big kick in the pants. This time, I'm not sure...but the timing is interesting.

Lately I've been thinking I have more to do outside of Key West but not really sure what. Is my time in Key West limited? Did I just need to come down here to break out of my boxed in life to see that you don't need to live boxed in? Can I take this elsewhere? All things going through my head lately. Probably trying to put off the inevitable, which is sitting in a hospital on Monday morning hoping everything is going to be ok.

But for now - laundry, packing, grocery shopping, 2013 intention setting and possibly a little painting.

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