Monday, July 7, 2014

Let Go and Live

"You're so calm. I want to be like you."

Something I heard twice last week on tour while I was working myself into a tizzy trying hard not to think of my Dad going through thyroid surgery to remove a cancerous growth.

I always get a little upset when something is going to have to be removed from my family. In this case Dad's entire thyroid. That also included having to reattach vocal chords which scared me even more. 

My dad has a very strong voice. At times its enraged me. I've had to scream over it in an attempt to be heard. Now I might lose it? Fear.

While I was on my trip in Bali and right after I had a host of things going on. My Tio in Spain had a stroke. My Dad found this growth. Coming back I got a good dose of restaurant drama, termite tenting and jury duty was the cherry on top.

All I thought of was, just breathe. Just go with the flow. I didn't resist. And yoga worked out the kinks where the fear wanted to hide. 

You gotta have your outlets. I have mine. Do you have yours?

After the experience of two cancers in my family and the giant hotel like cancer center I saw in St. Louis, it got me to thinking… Why is there so much cancer?

Cancer is a scary word. It brings fear into people so much they won't even speak its name. But what if cancer wasn't our enemy it was our friend?

The last time mom had it and I saw her go through chemo trying to eradicate it, I thought it was so extreme. Here we are trying to eliminate something our body is trying to tell us. Is there another way to look at it?

I think cancer is an imbalance. Something you tuck away from your emotional body when you don't want to deal and it eventually forms something physical to make you acknowledge it. 

Of course there are a lot of different things to compliment that. Processed foods, chemicals, the destruction of our earthly environment which provides us with sustenance. 

The United States has a lot of fear. The United States has a lot of cancer. 

What if we didn't fear but supported each other? Instead of pitting ourselves against the world what if we opened our arms to it? What would that look like?

To me its community. A shared happiness in taking care of ourselves and others. When we separate, we get fearful. If everyone accepted one another and their differences the world would not be you against me. It would be us. 

Part of the reason even with its bumps and bruises, I still like it down here. 

A friend of mine just moved back recently and she described the first walk she took with her young daughters. They were reveling in all the beauty of nature around them until a cab pulled up with an elderly couple wobbly and convulsing. She thought the lady was having a stroke until she started projectile vomiting out of the cab. Drunk.

That's probably the best description I can give of this place these days. A nurturing nature wonderland peppered with wildly intoxicated people trying to let go. Yin and Yang.

There are places in this world that people come to release and reboot. Key West is one of those places. So is Bali.

Maybe we need to let go a bit more. Move past the fear. What's there really to be fearful of if you know you have the support you need. 

Could you live your life the way you really wanted to? Could you really be happy?

Watched Gravity last night and that seemed to be the main gist while Sandra Bullock was escaping one space shit storm after another. She liked space cause it was quiet and no one could hurt her but she also didn't want to be out there alone.

At one point in her final escape she decided to give up and started deleting all her oxygen so she could pass out when a friend came to her and spoke the words she needed to hear to finally wake up.

As she attempted her re-entry she said "Either I make it down there in one piece and have one hell of a story to tell or I burn up in the next ten minutes."

That's a good way to put it, Sandy and I think I'll use it. Let go and live.

Oh and while you're at it, enjoy the ride.

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