The Cheetos Dilema

Full moon madness and Facebook suicide. It's been a good week so far and it's only Wednesday.

Oh the beauty of a full moon gives us all quite a show of human neurosis in one full punch. Human nature illuminated by a big pocked-faced glowing globe in the sky. It's entertaining and all free. I seriously gauge people's level of sanity by that moon. Today I looked up and saw it's looming fullness coming. I will judge tonight's level of emotional retardedness by the crescent I saw today.

You can start to see the effects of a full moon by how people react to other people. Today, it's getting a blank eyed stare from what I believe was a vacationing Midwestern couple after almost backing my bike into them. I didn't see them the way I was facing and gave a friendly smile and along with an "Oops, sorry!". The response was a death star stare like I was an alien life-force with glow in the dark snot.

The full moon is felt a lot more intensely down here. Makes sense for an island surrounded by water and a moon gravitationally controlling water based beings. You can see the effects about about a week out from a full on full moon and by the time you've realized it - it's too late. Thinking this I quickly flashed to Monday night at work.

It's been unusually cold and on Monday evening while covering an ailing co-worker's shift, the inside dining room fills up all at one time in about the span of four minutes. While I walk amongst the crowded guests settling them in with drinks, I can quickly feel all eyes bore into the back of my skull as a reminder that everyone wants their attention needs fulfilled. It was an odd feeling since no one was said anything but instead just stared intently whenever I visited another table like "When am I going to get mine?" That's just freaky.

Mid-juggle, I wigged out a bit because tiptoeing into that room made me feel like I was a caged animal fully aware of the possible slaughter that had yet to come.

People really want your attention. They NEED to be seen. I never quite understood this because if you're already in the company of someone you want to spend time with, what else matters?

So out comes the survival stroking and everyone's happy. Since all of the people sat at the same time it's a friggin' feel good orgy. What is survival stroking? Imagine scratching a dog's butt in a place where the furry guy can't reach on their own. If you hit the right spot their head slowly points towards the sky, a leg manically kicks and maybe a tongue licks the air. It's essentially the same thing with customers. You gotta find the right spot and all within 5 seconds of meeting them. It's the seventh sense.

A fellow co-worker and I discussed the other day how waiting tables, in all it's bizarre encounters, can keep you coming back for more. There are several reasons but the main one is it's a nightly study of the human psyche up close and personal.

Even at it's height of crazy, face to face with people still has that something that virtual life just cannot replicate. Must be why I decided to commit Facebook suicide this week. I had already been thinking about closing my account and then I saw a comment from one of my Facebook friends that solidified it. In her status update she questioning defensively about how can someone claim you're on Facebook too much. Uh, that's an easy one, you're status is updated every 20 minutes and you place every picture you have known to man on it. Yup, it's officially time to quit.

Facebook is not for me. I admit it was really nice to quickly check in on my friends, see pics and what's going on with them but it always felt somewhat lacking. I much prefer the stopping by a friend's house to catch up or talking to someone so engrossed in conversation that you don't even realize it's 4am. That's the good stuff.

It's the difference between eating a really hearty meal vs picking up some Cheetos at the corner store. You're craving something, you know you need to stop but it's a hell of a lot easier to pick up a bag. You start to do it on a constant basis, feel like shit and wonder why you're fingers are permanently orange.

I click to close my account. All of the sudden, profile pictures of friends pop up with messages saying "Are you sure? Ryan will miss you. Mo will miss you. Jay will miss you."

Nice... Virtual guilt. I've had the plenty of the real stuff - the good Catholic kind - this is nothin'. Click. Is it over?

"Please tell us why you want to leave?"

Shit, really?

"Yes. Please pick one : a) I don't have the time. b) I spend too much time on the computer. c) I'm ignoring my real life. d) relationship problems. or e) other.

God damn, you are friggin' nosy. I pick "e) other" and click. The same screen pops up again and I click "other" yet again until I notice a message at the bottom:

"Please provide a written explanation in the box below."

I thought "other" WAS my explanation. I start to think about how to explain why I want to leave and an easy way to condense the analysis of this experiment in one measly little box. And then it comes to me.

"I don't need to explain it but if you want to know, come find me and I'll tell you in person."

CLICK.

Networking

Been cooped up the last few days ever since a cold front moved through. I know, I know - suck it up it's so much colder up here, right? When you're used to being out and about to be shut in for a few days seems like an eternity. So I was pleasantly surprised at how warm it was today. Time for a ride out to New Town to exchange a tripod!

Key West is basically split up into three parts: Old Town, Mid-Town and New Town. Old Town is where I live and it consists of old historic houses, neighborhoods and lots of local businesses. New Town has all the big chain stores, some more newer neighborhoods and Mid-Town is a hybrid of the two.

I don't ride out to New Town too often but when I do I see the coolest things. It's reflection of what is out there which is a mishmash of stores, businesses and things that don't fit into Old Town. A kind of dumping ground if you will. Ironically, there are a lot of stores that are staples in cities across this country - Home Depot, KMart, Albertsons, Sears but they look completely foreign down here. Big anonymous faces. 

In Old Town lots of locals own businesses. I try them first before venturing out to New Town. If you have local support you're going to survive. They tried to open a Hooters on Duval Street way back when putting a call out to girls everywhere but here in the Keys cause they didn't think they were pretty enough. Well that sealed their fate and it went down in a short period of time. Maybe if they had filled it with Drag Queens it would have survived.

Point is that when I go to my local burrito place, I know the owners who are behind the counter making said burrito. They work their asses off pumping love into their business and it shows - I see it first hand. We chat and I ask them how they're doing as they do me. It's nice to have a face with that burrito. 

Ultimately anyone who puts themselves out there producing something of value for the community has it's support. Isn't that the way it should be? 

It's funny that our little network of people is considered strange and quirky to most people. Something I thought of when I went in to get a lightbulb today at Home Depot. I was in search of light and there was no warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you give your money over to someone you actually know and like. It had a very empty hollow feeling. Disposable.

The local network supports most in many different ways. When we go out to local restaurants and bars, you tip big. It's a simple reason really, that money cycles to all of us and comes around right when we need it. Locals also tell tourists their favorite places cause they always want to know where to go and those businesses benefit from the support. A patchwork of people and places. If you're dealing with a local, chances are you're gonna be alright. It's good to see a face you know come through your door.

So onto New Town and the Strip Mall graveyard. I look into one store to see it had moved out only to land in Old Town. Very cool and even more so when I see their slogan "A celebration of life". Maybe that's why they moved. After a quick exchange, I walk out to see this guy selling what I originally think are pinwheels. As I get closer I realize they're are planes made out of cans. "Recycled art!" he says with a proud smile.

I ask him what he uses to get such smooth edges on the cans when we start talking about business. By the way, I love that you can get into an economical discussion with a guy who makes a living through cans. 

He's been slow lately but he also sells down at Mallory Square which is good except for the fact he's not allowed to collect tips. Most times he moonlights as a babysitter when people leave their kids with him while they watch mesmerized by the plane making. Leaving your kids for a can with a can - nice...

Cool, thanks for the update dude. All in a days networking.

Been thinking about Facebook a lot lately. I joined hesitantly because I have never really gotten the whole allure of things like MySpace and Facebook. You really can't bag on something till you try it so I joined. It's some serious entertainment. I like to people watch and this is the online version.

It's so interesting to see what people think you need to know. "Jane is washing dishes." "Dan is wondering why people wear socks." "Mike is going to bed with a hangover."  I'm just waiting to see one of my friends proclaim they are going to take a dump. I fear that day is quickly approaching.

Facebook, like any application can be good or bad depending on how you use it. I've seen some friends find jobs or houses on it. I've also seen other friends completely addicted to it. To be honest, it is constant entertainment to see what people are going to put up next cause half the time I can't believe they actually do it. I've found that when I get into conversations with people about what is really happening in their lives instead of the inane updates, the conversation stops. It's a lot different than when you have an actual conversation.

Something I discuss with some co-workers after work last night at a local bar. There's just no substitute with talking to people face to face. Afterwards, they want to check out this local "swingers" bar but that's not the type of networking I'm looking for so I say goodbye and head on home.

I think that it's easier for some to be close with people at arms length but that's exactly what you get in return. It's kinda hollow. So ok, let me see what you want me to in bits and blips but at the end of the day nothing beats a face with that burrito or a man with a can.