I can't stop thinking of this horseshoe crab rescue from yesterday's tour.
As the manager pulled up with the kayak people she made the comment "Good luck". Um, not a good way to start. The other challenging element of the day, was the guide I was paired up with whom I haven't worked on a tour in a long time. He generally goes on his own trips cause he's not one who "plays well" with others.
So off we go. Twas a steady trip. One semi-annoying family of people who wouldn't listen as they constantly raced and banged into other people without a care in the world. When we got towards the end of the tour, I parked everyone in a place where I expected to talk about something but found a horseshoe crab right near a mangrove root instead.
I wasn't planning on a show and tell at this point, but this was perfect I had been looking for one of these all tour. I asked the people to move back a bit in order to get into the tree to reach down and grab her but she wouldn't let go of the root. Normally, they start trucking as soon as you touch them but this one just squirmed in one place. I pulled on her thinking she had wedged herself in to keep from coming out until I saw it.
String. She was trapped.
It was all around her and she had probably tried to get away but ensnarled herself further in the root. Instead of paying attention to the tour I was now wedging myself further into the tree trying to figure out a way to free her. It was so sad, this tree which probably started as source of shelter and comfort had become her death sentence. We needed to get back in with the peeps but I couldn't just leave her like this.
I kept yanking and twisting but couldn't seem to get her free. She was attached. It started to really bother me. I asked my co-tour guide if he happened to have a knife on him. He didn't and so I asked him to come over and take a look.
"She's trapped. Can you help her?" I asked, revealing her delicate state.
"I don't have a knife but I do have teeth." he said.
He jumped in and eventually was able to pull up the branch. And as she came up attached we could see how the string devilishly snaked all around her legs and body keeping her in an immobilized state. I kept staring wondering how she got this way as the other tour guide kindly took his teeth and began to tear through the bind she was in. After several nibbles, he got her loose and handed her over to me.
I ran my fingers across where a little string was left, while carefully dipping her gills in the water so she could breathe again. I began examining her to make sure she was ok. She didn't make a move in my hand. Probably a state of shock after such an ordeal.
As I prepared to give the group a chance to view her, I told them all "Please be careful with her, she's been through a lot". To my surprise they all handled her with great care. Even the annoying family who had not been listening. They finally woke up and weren't acting like they were the only ones on tour.
The whole rescue touched a nerve and I got to thinking of my own entanglements. Things that I probably didn't intend to end up a certain way but got so wrapped up in them, they ultimately became my undoing.
The lessons from Peru continue to unfold as I have strange encounters this week. Overwork and party time flow into one another and the exhaustion gives me all the strength I need to say no to things. A big thing I've learned so far in these past two months.
Three men. Three very different approaches.
As I just go about my business and plan on having a good time with everyone. Two of the guys invite me in with their obvious charm. But what starts out as light hearted charm becomes bizzare when I don't snap into what they want.
They can't ask directly for what they want, so some emotional barbs come out to see if I'll stick around. I step back on both, not even wanting to go into the trap. As the silence quickly grows between us, it feels like what was offered is a brick I dropped at their feet. It wasn't a mean response, it was more of a "Huh, look at that. No thanks." and then a continuation of what I was already doing.
The third one was a funny nice guy who I've always had a good time with. He can be bruff trying to show you what he's all about, but on this night he's kind and gives me a really nice compliment as he looks me directly in the eyes. It was genuine and I liked it. Thats what I want. Upfront. Honest. Kind. Present.
No more emotional entanglements please, if I can help it. I just want to be able to do what I want, if I'm here with you it means I want to be. No traps. Just love.
So much wasted time and energy with emotional entanglements. Everyone has their shit but it's being honest about it that makes it easier. I've been trying to work on mine this year by dropping the walls that I thought made me feel safe but in reality kept me isolated.
By saying no to certain things and taking care of me, I find I don't need those walls and in return people can be themselves and I can be me. A much easier, natural connection to everything and it has been amazing. I had this intention going into Peru and it keeps on unfolding in different ways to show me where I need to be and how to get there.
I have a newfound respect for my co-worker. He was so gentle and kind with that creature, it was beautiful. He helped free her, where I could not. A couple stays behind looking over the place where we dropped the horseshoe crab back in the water.
"Is she ok? Is she moving?" I ask.
"She starting to move a little bit." they respond with a smile.
Good. She'll be ok...
