Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Root Down

I haven't wanted to write much since going home for Mom's surgery. And I really didn't want to write after I found out she still needed to go through chemo. That took a whole day of laying in bed crying. Luckily work pulled me out of it at the end of the day and I just added some more pinkish eye shadow to go with the puffy pink eyes.

Fashion! It goes with sobbing.

So here we are. In a better place after letting it all settle and getting the tears out. And the reaction to all of it nesting. New bedding, new bookshelf, new rugs, new plants. Even considering buying a TV. I've been busy making my house a HOME. Something I realize I haven't really done in years.

Over the last 7 years, anytime I got settled I'd wonder when the rug would be yanked out from under me. So I got comfortable being uncomfortable. My furniture was all collapsible and my packing technique perfected. I refused to have more stuff than my old Jetta could carry. You'd swear I was in the witness protection program. A lot of times I felt I was. 

My mom is great at making a home. Her house is cozy, warm and full of knickknacks that before I thought were a little  excessive but now I see her in all of it. Its what makes a house a home.

The overnight she spent in the hospital I started thinking, if she went away would this stuff be all I'd have of her? It made me burrow down further into the soft colorful comforter I rested in and stare over at the flower smiling back at me on the nightstand. I started to see decades where we wouldn't let dad change anything and it all molting cause we couldn't let mom go. 

So I find it funny that this time around instead of being swept up and out, I'm rooting. Let me tell you its a far better place to be in. 

Cutting plant clippings and bringing them in to recycled jars so there is a friendly face to see. Hanging paintings and realizing they look damn good in a home. Taking on more shifts at the restaurant cause its become more of a family than an episode of the Jerry Springer show. 

That's what's been on my mind.

Home. Finding it in all different places and allowing it to grow.

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