Fun with Photoshop

Fun with photoshop. Finally broke down and purchased the software. For the price of one danish and a big ole cup of coffee per month, I can now experiment with photos and text.

Oh, the options! I'm already digging it and learning it as I go... Sea Grapes I just can't quit you!

Got a lot of inspiration from sitting under that tree this past weekend. I'm officially on a circle kick.

Decided to buy a book on Islamic Geometric patterns too and am trying to wrap my head around the use of a compass. Yup, its not just for 7th grade math class.

I guess no one uses it anymore as it was a hunt to find one but a good set was had at Office Max of all places.

Apparently these kinds of geometric designs are in sync with the celebration of creation in nature. Love it and hoping to incorporate it more into my work.

All I Need

Sea grape Saturday 

All I need, is a canopy of trees...

Is it strange to make a pact with a tree? That when I start to go, I want to see this. Feel the warm hints of sunlight on my face and hear the rhythmic waves washing ashore?

Woah

And a mere two hours later...

If anyone is looking for insight into who they are and why they do the things they do. I highly recommend this guy.

Alexander Mallon

An amazing traveling astrologer from Woodstock, NY who perfectly summed up all the pieces I've been discovering over the years in one session. 

There's something powerful in hearing someone else verbalize all the thoughts you've been having in a way you can understand and explore more. A gift I got to experience in a private session today I almost avoided.

Bonus points for him being an empath and letting me know there's a better way to harness this gift instead of using it as a defense mechanism as I have always done. 

Something is cracking open and its time. Now to let it all absorb and settle in.

So much gratitude for meeting this guy...

Not what I expected...

Had a group astrology reading yesterday. Did not expect what was said at all. 

So much so it woke me up at 2:00am and I could not get back to sleep for a bit.

You usually have some sort of idea about what the astrologer is going to focus on. I thought it was going to be career. Oh no, it was how I operate in relationships.

And let me just preface this with it is never a good sign when the astrologer tells you have the same type of chart as his ex-wife and saves your reading for last.

Actually that's not true. I got to have a pretty good side chat with him after which started with "So...you were with someone like me?"

What it all boils down to is communication. Compassionately communicating how I feel when I feel it. 

Something I'm consciously trying to be better at. 

Cause it beats bolting and/or getting physically ill when trying to stuff it all away.

Being an Artist

What does being an artist mean? If I never sell one piece of work, am I still an artist?

I've been really content lately. Making things, marketing things, and just doing what I do down here. 

As people, we all look for that validation. The big mark that means I've made it. The finish line. 

But is it necessary?

I've always been a goal oriented person. Think of what you want, place that mark and make strides to meet it. When you get to the mark, celebrate. Then repeat.

Over the last 10 years, I've found the journey is equally as important. A stretch of learnings, successes, failures and new paths that open up. In addition, you constantly meet people along the way that help you with that journey.

A man recently came back to town I met about three years ago. A very successful glass sculptor who one night after work followed me with my friends from one after work bar after another. He wanted to continue on but I needed to go home. 

We both laughed and howled at the full moon which he called a Beaver moon. And it is still his name in my phone.

We had one serious conversation at Don's Place of all places where he asked me about my relationships and if I was ready to move beyond what I knew. To choose something different and find that person to really be with. I responded with a shaky "I hope so".

It dawned on me that it wasn't just the type of people I was picking, but maybe I was afraid of being fully present in a relationship as well.

He came into the restaurant for a glass of wine on Friday and we quickly reconnected. I showed him his name on my phone and asked if this was his same number. We both laughed.

Decided to meet up for lunch while I was at the beach and we chatted about what we've been up to. Normally I'd be a little fussed out about his being something, a someone - a selling artist. Maybe even compare it to where I was and feel bad, but I wasn't this time around.

As he told me about his different gallery stops, I told him of my travels to Bali, paddle board excursions, painting with a Buddhist monk, my previous life as an ad exec and yoga teacher training.

His eyes widened with each mention. I just smiled and remembered my journeys with such love.

He was being called back to the gallery to take pictures with someone who just bought a piece of his artwork. I continued on with our lunch solo and gave him an invite to an art show later on during one of his other breaks. A great group of people I met through another little gallery I worked hard to be a part of.

As I made it to the gallery opening the first person I see is Eric. Literally the very first person I met in town. My art mentor so to speak. 

We used to huddle in the gallery corner watching and commenting on the show within the show. Tonight we are standing on the actual street corner chatting about Leonard Nimoy passing and how I saw his photography at Art Basel and how disturbing it was. His photos of grotesque overweight women in clown make up holding knives was the image I saw when I heard he passed.

Eric laughed. He was inspired by those pieces while I was just horrified.

David stopped by for a bit but had to get back to the gallery. Eric asked if I wanted to go grab a bite and a drink. We rolled down to a restaurant I hadn't been to and started a long harried conversation about relationships. 

Eric had asked me out at one time. I had to tell him I had no interest in him other than just being a friend. We didn't talk after that for a year. I felt awful but it was the truth. He realized how hard this was when he had to do the same thing to another girl not too long after. That's when we started talking again.

He wanted to ask me out back then. I look him in the eyes and told him I was such a hot mess when I arrived down here. Broken and broken hearted. He knew.

We get to talking and what we both want is the same. To find someone that we can be with but also allows the freedom to do what we want to do. Like Iceland. Like painting bugs for days on end. Like having solo time to gather up whatever ideas are percolating up in a swim at the beach.

"Its not so easy to find, I think it scares guys. Makes them feel like I don't need them." I tell Eric

"Are you kidding me? That is every guys dream." he responds with a laugh.

I'm still not so sure. Is it an artist thing? Are we just weirdos? Maybe. 

Which eventually comes back to art. I ask Eric the same question I've been thinking about. "If I never sell a piece of work, am I still an artist?" 

We both discuss our recent rejections via the art world and laugh. He reminds me to just keep putting it out there. And I think he alludes that I need to dive more into my dark side. We go back to his house where I see the giant new studio he's building for his work. 

It's amazing and quite a monument to his work as an artist. Building a separate space as big as your house with lighting and display areas to be a working professional gallery is pretty fantastical. Kinda like the first place I met him.

"I love it. Its so amazing Eric." I say as I pet Gabe his thug of a cat who I used to hang out with drinking coffee in Eric's back yard. Way back when I lived in his old art storage shack for the month or two before I headed off to Spain.

Gabe lays under my parked bike as a road stop for me not to leave. I love that cat. I love that time.

My phone's sherwood forest horns trumpet a text from David to come meet him for a drink and a laugh but its been a long day. Season Three of House of Cards and my bed are calling but I promise to catch him tomorrow for coffee and yoga.

As expected he doesn't quite meet me in the am, but texts me. I tell him to meet me at the yoga studio where I have just gotten out and am enjoying a latte with coconut milk. He tells me how fantastic that is but he's now heading to the gallery where he's got to sell. 

I tell him I'll roll by to say hi and goodbye in a bit. Bike down to the gallery in my yoga gear and see all his work displayed in the front window with a giant poster of him trying not to burn his flesh off while making a piece. 

"Is David here?" I ask the gallery worker and they motion in the back office for him to come out. He hears my voice and bounces out as much as one can bounce after bar hopping all night. 

He tells me how he likes my yoga pants and asks me if I want to go out the back door to Hogs Breath and get a bloody mary. I say yes and we belly up to the bar for one last chat.

"Do you like it here?" he asks

I do. There are some things I would like more of but for the most part this place allows me the freedom to have the life I want to live. Where I can travel and create art. Those are the things I love most in this world.

I tell him about the question that's been in my head. "If I never sell a piece of work, am I still an artist?"

He tells me about how his art career came around. He was working several jobs and making these glass sculptures. He didn't know if they would sell and he thought to himself one day, if he never sold one would he stop making them? The answer was no.

And so he kept on making them. And then one sold. And then another. And then it just took off. But he always remembers thinking even if he didn't sell one, he'd still keep on doing it cause he loved it so much. 

We talk about trips in the works and I tell him about my plans to go to Iceland. His eyes light up.

"Do you need a travel buddy?" cause he's been wanting to make ice sculptures and Iceland would be the perfect place to go for inspiration. 

He tells me how much where he lives means to him. The mountains, the water, his family. He asks if I still have grandparents and I say no but do tell him about one of them. She was the one who taught me to paint and create. 

I laugh and tell him how she did everything. Sew, beading, painting, pottery, hitchhiking and her crazy sense of humor. Her love of twisted movies like Clockwork Orange and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. 

Especially the sick delight she probably got watching the scene of Bettie Davis serving a dead rat on a silver platter to Joan Crawford and I laugh.

"You sound just like her." he says.

"I do." I say looking down with a smile. 

And though I had no idea, this is exactly the validation I had been looking for. 

Lola's Vino Blanco

Having fun designing a possible wine label for a group of wines set to enter a Hispanic market in California. 

Involves my sister, her crazy dog and the vineyard owner who loves him some crazy Lola.

Did I mention he's a Key West Conch? Tis' a small world, no?

Rest in Peace

There is something eerie about finding out your friend has died via Facebook first thing in the morning.

And there's that realization as the beep rapidly approaches while making a call to confirm your suspicions as to "what type of message do I leave with this sort of thing?" 

It results with you just crying into the machine.

Nat Hall you were a kind, big hearted soul who made me laugh on a daily basis. We joked about our love for Journey, Grape Drank and I knew you were a kindred spirit when you could recite lines from the Dancing Outlaw. Quite possibly the best West Virginia PBS documentary ever made about a hillbilly tap dancer.

You were only down here for a short time but made a big impression on everyone and will be sorely missed. 

We piece together all kinds of people in our lives that become a family of sorts. In the end, when you lose one of them, that small stuff doesn't seem to matter much.

Time is short - enjoy every minute of it and do what you're supposed to do.

Rest in peace my friend....

Upgrade Complete

"Is it toast?"

The roller coaster effect of electronic devices in a mercury retrograde has been epic.

Both my iPhone and Macbook Pro needed some serious servicing and thankfully I was heading home for a stint and promptly set up appointments. Who knew I'd be dropping in between every day to fix it all.

The Apple store updated, upgraded and advised me on how to keep this "vintage" 6-year-old macbook pro kicking.

After getting my operating system reloaded to my now functioning computer, I decided to use Time Machine for the first time ever and make a plan to backup religiously. 

I swore to the Time Machine gods that with just a click of a button I would never play Russian roulette with my images again.

So I almost vomited when with 8 minutes left after 3 hours of back up time my computer decided to lock me out AGAIN. This time with everything on the desktop, extracted from my external hard drive per the Apple store genius. AAAARrrrrggh!

Another major lesson in non-attachment when the sucker decided to pop back on after I went through my image loss sickness. I immediately backed up everything the "old fashioned way" by clicking and dragging to assure I'd have it. Whew.

"You need a new hard drive and it wouldn't hurt to get some more RAM so things move faster."

"Ok, but what exactly happened. I thought we fixed it yesterday??"  

"When you downloaded the latest operating system it crashed cause you had just been patching holes in that hard drive when in reality you really needed a new one."

So I ran around town and tried to make friends with a myriad of men who had knowledge I didn't. I joked, I asked newbie questions, I brought them out of their robot state, I got serviced.

I told them about my designs to push this grandma notebook further with other software.

I was told to add more RAM and just for kicks I threw in a new battery too. 

Its not gonna be worth anything without a good power source. Oh and a new external hard drive so I actually follow the Time Machine gods carefully crafted plan.

In between, I visited old family friends. Reminisced in their photos and how I saw us all - then and now. 

Shopped. All I seemed to find were a ton of sweaters for five dollars each. A sign to me that Iceland will happen this year.

Researched and bought health insurance. I am a fully functioning adult again back to the levels of where I was when I left corporate life - but on my own terms. 

It felt surprisingly good to know I won't bankrupt myself or others I love if anything happens. Something that's been in my head a lot since I gave up my healthcare 10 years ago. I'd still like to see more reform though - single payer all the way.

Took yoga classes. Realized during them I wanted to push myself further than what the teacher was doing and intuitively knew what to do. 

Yoga teaching may be coming closer. I haven't been in a rush cause I wanted to feel my own practice first before I started teaching others. 

Visited my beloved St. Louis art museum and randomly ended up in areas that held Tibetan Tankas, a photo exhibition that I had seen and loved in the NY Times; all while trying to find a particular show I'd read about online. 

Location? A hidden alcove that I always seem to end up in every time I visit.

Its tiny and you'd miss it unless you knew what you were looking for, but that alcove holds so much beauty. 

I've been there at least four times and each time I laugh cause whatever exhibition I'm looking for always leads me to this creative closet which no one else is in.

A good reminder that your art will be seen by the people that need to see it. Even if its tucked away by a dead end stairwell. 

Finished with electronic overhaul and promised to take better care of my hard drive. Not just throw it around, give it away and let it come crashing down. 

Downloaded the photoshop trial to get started on that new path. The above pic is from my random play day with a photo taken on the ride back home.

The holes are not just patched. They're fixed.

I've got more memory. So more can happen and faster.

The latest operating system is in place and connecting all my programs. Old and new.

And I've got the right power source which will make it all run.

Are we still talking about my computer?