Its 5 o' clock somewhere

Sometimes its just fun to brainstorm with the kitchen crew. In between gluten and nut allergy requests.

One of the guys is in a pretty successful band down here and we started talking about how there is no punk music in town.

This was right after he told me their band was slated to be the opener for Night Ranger.

So be prepared... Next Parrothead fest for a punk band doing Jimmy Buffett cover songs directly across from Margaritaville complete with a local mosh pit. 

The band name? "It's 5 'o'clock somewhere".

They could wear floral button down shirts and khakis that would be Velcro ripped off when they started in on the punk revealing leather and nipple piercings with studded chokers.

And I think I also talked him into playing the Golden Girls TV theme song "Thank You for Being a Friend" in punk version as well.

This. Must. Happen.

Ain't Technology Grand?

Three guys roll up to the restaurant two minutes before closing and get sat in my section. 

After a long work day, I cringe a bit at having to go through this routine one more time when all I want to do is sit down, eat and have my celebratory end of the shift beer.

I go over to greet the new table and one man shows me live streaming video on his phone of his empty house. "Wanna see my house?" he asks as I watch a spinning ceiling fan, empty room and nothing else.

"Hmmm. Great. Ok, have you all been in before?" I say moving along the conversation to the task at hand.

"That's it? We get right down to it, huh?" he says 

"Yup." I say with the slight acknowledgment that you have arrived mere seconds before we are closing and no I don't want to stare at your empty house on your iPhone. I want to take your order.

I walk away giving them time to peruse the menu and decide on food items. When I arrive back at the table, the man is still staring at his phone and again tries to convince me how cool this is. 

"Look, there's my house. There's my dog. There's his wagging tail. There's my dog sitter. What do you think of all this?" he asks

Really dude? 

Ok...."Well, I think...Why are you looking at your empty house while you're on vacation?" I respond honestly.

His friends chuckle.

"Look, I need to make sure my dog sitter is treating my dogs right. I want to make sure everything's ok. She could be treating them badly. If she treats them well, I'll give her a bigger tip when I get home." 

Do you really think the mention of you being a big tipper, will make me change my mind about your odd fixation on those home cameras? 

"You need to trust people more." I tell him.

"It's not about trust. You need to verify that people aren't going to rip you off." he schools me.

His friends now tell me that's he's had the same dog sitter for seven years. I walk away and decide to give them more time to decide on anything other than looking at an empty house via his iPhone.

I come back to get a drink order and he asks me what kind of beers we have so I slowly move the list in front of him. 

"Ok. Ok. I can't read the list because I forgot my reading glasses."

"I have some readers inside I can get you." I say and bring him two pairs to try. One works and after he decides on nothing to drink I have to ask the most obvious question in my mind.

"If you can't read the beer list without glasses, how are you watching your house?"

His friends laugh and he looks shocked and responds "Oh you're a feisty one aren't you?"

Yup. Especially when you show up late and we have to go through this little dance. I just want to sit down and eat some ceviche.

I finally get an order out of them and start delivering food. He keeps showing me his phone camera at each visit to the table trying to convince me this is great.

"Look I haven't seen this dog sitter in two years. I text her when I leave town, I watch to make sure my dogs are ok and then I send her a check. I need this in case anyone breaks in. Look I can see if there's a break in, call the cops and yell at them to get out all over my phone."

He shows me his front door and tells me the speaker is on and to say something. "Get away from the door!" I yell in a Grover sounding voice.

"Hey, technology is good." he says now pointing to the handheld computer on my hip I use to put orders in. 

"Yes, technology is good." I say pulling it out and shaking it. "I send in love notes to the Chef but I don't watch him on this to make sure he's making your food. I trust he's doing it and if he's not, I send him more love notes." His friends are now busting up in laughter.

"Look, its fine. I'm ok are you ok?" I say.

"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just. Well...I'm Italian. I'm just passionate about things - its better than being a bump on a log"

Passionate. Really?? I'm slightly annoyed at the mention of being Italian and "passionate" as an excuse for being stubborn and paranoid. And this Spanish woman knows something about being stubborn which is probably why neither of us is giving in.

But mostly I'm annoyed that this person, so afraid of being hurt, is claiming passion as a description of what he is doing. Passion is not just any old feeling. 

When you wall yourself off to everything and then finally feel something - good or bad - is that "passion"? No, that's called "emotion". 

And the roller coaster feelings you get when feeling out of control are not passion either. They are not knowing how to let go, feel and trust.

Passion to me is something that grows inside like a fire. You have so much love in your heart for it that you let it grow and eventually share it with another because there's not enough space in your body to contain it.

That passion connects you to a person, a painting, a sport, a thought. It grows so big you must share it and it is a joy to do so.

After being so engrossed in his empty home in Arizona, he asks me what my name. "Its Penny"

"Hey if we got married, you'd be Penny Price!"

"Nope, I'd be P-squared." I correct him. 

Now he looks even more shocked I know a math term which makes me look at him and let out a monotone low voice saying "MATH...." to acknowledge "yes, I have a brain."

When asking if there's anything else these gentlemen need I get an invitation to join them back at their private island. 

"Will we be watching your house from that island?" 

"Maybe..."

"Nope, I'm good but thanks." P-squared OUT!

Octopii pt 2

I'd like to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand. 

After a pop up reminder on Facebook, I decided to send in a last minute entry for a travel writing contest yesterday. Because Por Que No? 

Had been randomly reading a post from Spain the other night and that was the one I sent off. It just took a little time to edit it down to 500 words. Tio would be pleased.

Wouldn't it be perfect to have Iceland paid for? And perhaps some other trips too? Uh,yes please.

Add it to the growing list of things to do:

• learn lightroom
• build a website
• grow out hair to natural color while ombre trend is still hot
• real estate school
• figuring out the best week to runaway to circus school in the Dominican Republic

And fill out my Octopii. Good thing summer is here.

The Illusion is Outside

Yesterday when trying to unwind from the restaurant the night before, I received the most clarifying message at the beach.

A crowded ft zach scene with cruise shippers filing in is usually my cue to go. 

But I did a few sitting stretches since I missed yoga due to pure energetic exhaustion the night before. As people started to crowd my space further, I just closed my eyes and breathed.

Full inhale. Full exhale. Full inhale. Full exhale.

I felt the grounding through the earth on the exhale and expansion out of the top of my head on the inhale. Even saw the energy wind up and down intersecting at points like a DNA strand. 

With eyes closed, everything felt so calm. So clear. So whole.

I slowly opened my eyes and that began to shift as form slowly unfolded. My eyes now grasped onto the visuals in front of me and the activity crossing my sight. The connection I had quickly turned to static. 

And this is what came to mind:

The illusion is whats outside of us. The reality is within.

All this external crap doesn't matter. Its just a bunch of static. Distracting you from all that you already know is true. 

With that simple thought a whole host of things flooded in my mind and I was at such peace on the bike ride home. I wanted more so I went back to the water this morning to do some yoga.

Been stressing a little bit about teaching. Feeling pushed by others to do it but not really wanting to teach yet. 

Its always been a mind fuck about how to choreograph and present a class but this morning I just did poses that felt right in the moment. My favorite sea grapes above me and soothing water in front it was just what I needed.

Yoga for me is just about connecting to my internal energy and moving it around to balance stuff out. 

Didn't worry about what a full class would look like this morning. Instead I just moved and it felt good. As a bonus, I got to take a swim after. 

I think its a new moon today. Usually that means setting intentions for what you want your life to be or what you want. It didn't feel right asking for things. Instead it was just about feeling grateful. And that gratitude is what I thought of when I went under the water.

Grateful for my life. Grateful for everything that has happened up to this point. Grateful for how much has shifted in the 10 years I've been here. Grateful for the change that keeps happening even if it exhausts me at times. 

My minds been a jumble the last week or two. A lot of old stuff wrapping up I realize after talking to two good friends who just happened to show up right as I was finishing up my practice. 

I feel so much more aligned to who I truly am and am looking forward to taking that into a new era. Excited for what it will bring in and the simple knowing that I already have everything I need.

Happy New Moon....

Signs o' Summer

In full bloom

Not a bad view biking back from the bank.

Four Days

Funny how an unexpected almost four days off in a row starts to make you feel like a human being again. 

I agreed to swap shifts this week at the restaurant for a co-worker who wants to run a race down the keys. I needed this swap almost as much as she did cause it gave me some room to breathe.

I always forget how the end of season always comes with a brick wall burn out at some point. And how grateful I am that things slow down and I have that breathing room to feel again. 

So what did I do on my four days?? I crashed out. I ate like a ravenous animal. I went swimming. I drank bubbles. I read. I photoshopped. I slept.

As a "downtime activity" I created a new flyer for the studio and am designing a website for them as well. Couldn't keep my hands off it. 

Re-jumbling things to make them look cleaner, add texture, while learning how to use different tools on Photoshop via YouTube tutorials.

I'm totally addicted to photoshop. Love playing with images and figuring out how to use photos in new ways. Thinking of re-designing my website as well just for kicks.

Got an amazing birthday book from Toni that reminded me to look at the world as an ongoing art project. Had put painting on the back burner for a while. Sometimes that happens - usually when I need a break or a new perspective on something to move forward.

Broke out my watercolor pencils from Bali and sketched a bit. Thinking I might finally be in the realm of creating for creating's sake. So fun to just play around will all kinds of images. 

Another amazing book I picked up via a friends suggestion is the "Geography of Bliss". I'd love to write a book like this - the travel research alone is fantabulous. I'm currently in the Bhutan chapter and totally thinking of my painting Lama I met in Pagosa Springs while reading it.

Sounds like an amazing place to be. Love it and all the new perspectives popping up. 

Cheers to being human.

Exhaust

Its been a busy few months with friends and a busy breakneck season with a whole host of characters. And after spending the last two days collapsed at home I can officially say I'm exhausted. 

From my NYC spring breakers, to visiting glass artist friend, to catching up with Dad in Miami and finally seeing my second Filipino family down here last week. 

I am a secondary filipino cause Toni's mom used to only see me in crisis and offer wine, food and fabulous slippers. It was nice to see her in good times.

In between all that I decided it was time it was time to put roots down to the delight of my mother. Possibly hanging up the Hobo tendencies and choosing paint colors instead.

I put a bid on a house while organizing my financial history and then faxing all that personal information to the wrong number. I have a minor heart attack at Office Depot; a strange conversation with a stranger to please destroy that information if they do receive it and then laugh about doing the one thing I feared most. Then had lunch with my Filipinos on Cinco de Mayo.

I celebrated another birthday. 

Birthdays and holidays can be a bit odd for me. Some kind of abandoment feeling I've carried around with me my whole life tends to pop up at these road marks which consists of: "Who's there for me? Who will show up? Am I alone?"

The definitive answer to that last question is "NO." And it showed up with donuts and champagne to celebrate this year.

I keep thinking of this picture and what words came to me as I looked at it and this is what it said:

"I let go of the past as I dream of the future."

The headless body is in the present time. With past and future swirling above and below. Releasing. Releasing... 

This is me. This is my current exhaustion and possibly why this post seems so jumbled. I've been everywhere these past few months.  

I feel the water shift around me, letting go and washing away a life that doesn't even look familiar anymore. That past pain and fear I used to carry is gone. I don't recognize it either and am actually amused at how confused and upset I used to be.

I let love wash in.

That's exactly what my intention for this year was - Love. And ironically, the yoga practice on my birthday was themed around - heart openings. You can't make this stuff up.

Not being afraid anymore. Knowing I am loved and can give love. 

Knowing finally that we can get what we want by having gratitude for it. Especially after having a great conversation with my friend/hairdresser about this very thing. There is so much abundance for everyone and we just need to acknowledge it. 

I get this message through little things that happen everyday.

Like going to Home Depot and asking a worker to cut more wood for my paintings knowing he might say no. He tells me that he's not supposed to but will if I promise to make someone else happy today. Just like he made me happy by honoring my request, I need to go out and make someone else happy. He mentions possibly my husband.

Right after this, having a man I serve at the restaurant take my hand and sincerely tell me he knows the name of my husband. "Do you want to hear it?" Yes. "His name is Lucky" and he tells me he is coming to find me. Soon.

Or the day after donating money to Tibetan nuns for Nepal earthquake relief and rebuilding; finding quite possibly the perfect home complete with separate art studio. But the best was realizing this was my home and also knowing that if it doesn't happen, the right home for me will appear just like this one did.

Finding out one of my paintings sold to the boss at one of my jobs. She didn't know Señorita Penelope was me and just loved it and its story.

Having a former difficult dalliance reappear telling me he loves me and how beautiful I am with a grateful hug. I'm partially in shock to hear it. He is finally kind and appreciative of our friendship and that feels good.

Realizing my family and I are finally on good terms. Probably the best they've ever been and whilst home shopping, getting the reassurance that they are there for me. And will be in lots of ways.

And generally being excited to learn new things and apply them to all different aspects of my life. I don't need to be anything but myself and that has many changing layers depending on my interests.

If you're like me, you tend to scoff at people who post their internet quizzes on Facebook but then secretly go and take it cause you want to find out your spirit animal.

The spider. I wasn't sure so I secretly took it twice. And was delighted when one appeared on the baseboard directly behind me when I started my annual new year 108 sun salutations. 

The spider is the weaver of life and that is exactly what my name means (if you secretly take another internet quiz). 

That is how I feel after seeing all these people from my past. Weaving in and weaving out people who were helping me deal with my pain, my uncertainty of life and death. I was creating a web that didn't necessarity fit me and that web was being created, then destroyed. Over and over again to my dismay. 

As quickly as I built one and collected these people, it was destroyed and they were dispersed. I see that now. It needed to happen - such is life.

I choose not to re-create that pain anymore so what a perfect time for them all to come back in and see the web of my life as it stands now. I am most definitely not alone and never have been. 

In fact, I have been celebrating that since early March and think I'll keep on celebrating that. 

Once I get a nap in.

Practice Makes Perfect

Getting some good practice on photoshop and realize I really like making stuff with it.

Woke up at 6am yesterday and couldn't get back to sleep so I finished a flyer up, put on some SPF then headed out to give a private two hour paddle board tour shortly after.

Followed by restaurant work shortly, shortly there after. 

Kinda loving the flow of life these days and am surprised at the energy I still have to do it all. 

As I move through yoga poses, I remember this feeling and try to keep it in my life as well. Opening up to all the possibilities. Flowing from moment to moment.

More learning to come as I search for a good online real estate course and laugh as I ponder possibly selling houses for a living too.

I need to update my resume.